It's one of those things that gets annoying, when you're a teacher: when the Back To School posters appear in the shops before the Summer Term has even finished. It feels like a hint at one of those government initiatives to shorten the school holidays. Perhaps like the campaigns to...

When I was a child - beyond the mists of time - there was a TV programme called Why Don't You?. The full title was Why Don't You Just Switch Off Your Television Set And Go Out And Do Something Less Boring Instead?- a title screamed at top volume by...

It's Springtime at last on the stretch of coast where I live, and that has made all the difference.

Only a week ago, searing north-easterly gales were trying to blow me back into my north-east facing home every time I tried to go outside. Sheep and their new-born lambs were...

It always happens.

Every time I wander into Topshop, I end up looking shiftily around me. I simply don't look as if I should be there. Essentially, I look too old: so much over 25 that it's almost beyond a joke; with 18 such a distant memory that I...

It was something I saw on Facebook. A local library somewhere was promoting reading with something new, urging readers to risk a Blind Date With A Book. Books were wrapped in plain paper, their covers hidden, their blurb obscured. Just a few words on the wrapping gave a hint of...

It was when I saw the latest Andrex advert that I knew things had gone too far.

'Do you scrunch or fold?' the toilet paper advertisers bellow, as they drag you into the Cubicle of Horror like an unlucky first former, about to get your head plunged into the toilet...

So it's Oscar time again.

I used to love the Oscars. I used to look forward to seeing the stars' red carpet appearances, examining the details of their dresses, their hairstyles and their sparkling jewels, as bright as their dazzling careers. The handsome, tuxedo-clad screen heroes. The excitement - the...

Like so many of the things that make you think the most, it started as a joke. A challenge, almost.

'Miss? Could you write something about how you see teenagers? And whether we have replaced religion with things like Facebook?' It was Friday, half term was shimmering on the horizon,...

Love?

A zero score in tennis - from the French l'oeuf, "the egg" - or the keynote of the Valentine's Day celebrations. Depending on your point of view.

There are cards and red envelopes everywhere. Chocolates. Champagne or rather, something cheaper, fizzy wine. Restaurants have been taking bookings since...

'Would you care for a bag?'

My favourite local bookshop offers copies of last year's hit, Weird Things Customers Say In Bookshops (by Jen Campbell) on sale by the till. Waiting, last weekend, bored, while the patient bookseller dealt with the Customer From Hell, I was hearing a brief chapter...

The New Year is only two weeks old, and I'm already exhausted.

I've been busy. I haven't slept well. The bad cold that's got everyone has had me by the throat. But it's not just that. I'm exhausted by the bombardment of conflicting pieces of advice which have been assailing...

As I placed the Christmas Radio Times in the blue bin, I realised that I hadn't actually read it over the "bumper two weeks" it advertised...

What happened on the Monday afternoon a week before Christmas ended up as an accurate summary of this year's scheduled holiday viewing. I came...

They say that how you spend New Year's Eve tells a lot about you.

Well then - I'm the sort of dull, insignificant person who usually spends the evening at home, fairly quietly, doing fairly dull, insignificant things like watching television or a film, listening to music, reading, reminiscing... with...

So I hear that the Great Christmas Crisis of 2012 has been averted. Call The Midwife no longer clashes with Downton Abbey on Christmas night, and the world can relax. Middle-aged women everywhere can step down from the barricades in last year's shoe-boots, pour themselves another cup of coffee...

It began as a discussion of the benefits of wearing a fleece in the icy weather. 'It saves money on the central heating, I suppose... wearing fleeces. Maybe a few at once.' I was resisting the urge to poke fun at onesies - hideous, adult-size babygros, designed for infants but...

And so it came to pass, that the free park-and-ride service began again in my local town...

It's Christmas shopping time again. The truly organised have it finished - the rest of us are left to battle through the crowds of our own inadequacies, our lists crumpling in our pockets,...

4th November 2012. The last day of half term. The date of the New York Marathon, cancelled in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. And the date of the World Scrabble Championships in London.

As a language obsessive and smart-alec, I should like Scrabble far more than I do. I should...

It was the last thing I expected.

It was Saturday morning. Early. I was sitting in my local Starbucks, drinking an Americano and musing about the goings-on on Twitter. Browsing the headlines. Looking out the window. I was miles away. Suddenly I started as I felt a firm touch on...

So. Autumn. Again.

You hear the laughter first. High-pitched, and just this side of hysteria. Then you hear a gloved hand on the door. They can't reach the bell. They bang again - maybe two at a time. You hear the voices building and when you open it... you see...