The Week That Was: A Step Back in Time

26/05/2012 23:31 BST | Updated 26/07/2012 10:12 BST

Did I miss the collective time-travel mission back to the 1950s this week? I only ask because a glance at a choice selection of headlines from the past seven days certainly suggests so.

Either that, or someone (a man, presumably) decided it was time to sweep all the advancements women have made over the past few decades under the proverbial carpet. (Swept by a woman in a gingham pinny and rollers, I sure hope.)

But that's okay, ladies, it doesn't really matter. There's a silver lining to this misogynistic cloud. According to those lovely people at Saga, it would be a great idea if we gave up our careers and went back to keeping our homes nice and tidy for the menfolk. Why? For the love of our waistlines! Yes, that's right. We're fatter now than we were 60 years ago because we're just not putting enough effort in with the Hoover.

I bet Jessica Ennis is thanking her lucky stars for the helpful advice, packing her spikes away as I type and picking up her duster. After all, it wouldn't do for our Olympic poster girl to be too, gasp, 'fat' as she represents her country, would it - as one nameless 'high-ranking person' suggested this week.

Still, at least she and her curves are competing, unlike any women from Saudi Arabia, which is apparently A-OK with the IOC.

The committee, despite making all the right noises, failed to reach a decision on whether to issue sanctions against the Arab state in what should have been the final meeting on the matter in Quebec on Thursday. Before you get whipped into a fury, a word in your ear from an insider. 'We are still optimistic the country will send female athletes to London'. Optimism, that'll do it!

But that's alright, it's not like there are Saudi women capable of, say, winning equestrian competitions, or, I don't know, conquering Everest base camp.

With all this talk of sport, obviously we're distracted from our real raison d'être. Changing the world? Of course not!

What we should all be concentrating on is bagging ourselves a man, and for those still struggling with that small issue, all hail the sequel to The Rules. Actually, it's not the sequel. That was The Rules II, and there was also The Rules for Marriage, the Rules for Online Dating and even All The Rules (I wish).

Now authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider are working on another set of rules, namely Not Your Mother's Rules. May I dare to suggest that the very fact we need, pray to God, the final episode in the money spinning franchise, might just be down to the fact that The Rules do in fact NOT WORK?

That, maybe, just maybe, men don't want simpering idiots who fail to return their calls, never pay for a meal or have their own opinions. Or maybe there are. They're probably the ones calling Jessica Ennis fat and telling the rest of us to get our overweight behinds back into the kitchen.