People can be their own worst enemies sometimes, and women are no exception. In fact, I believe women can be very hard on themselves. So I have made a list of the top five worst things a woman can do to damage her life.
Settling Down With Someone You Do Not Love.
The biological clock is probably the worst thing that ever happened to a woman. It can make us go a bit crazy. A male friend once described woman in their mid-thirties as 'terrified and terrifying'. Quite unfair and he was about the same age himself. Worst than that, it can make some woman settle for a man they do not love so they can get married and have children. I completely understand this, I really do. Even in 2013 there is a 'status' thing between married and unmarried woman, and there certainly is one between the childless and those with children.
The media is full of stories about leaving it too late and this can cloud a woman's judgement. But deep down, you always know whether or not you love someone. Relationships are hard enough if you do love someone. A relationship chosen because of your biological clock fears will never be a happy one, nor last.
It can also be hard to end a relationship with someone you do not love anymore. The fear of being single is a very real one for a lot of people, but it is only fair on you and the person you are dating. You will both find partners that you are meant to be with.
I came across this amazing quote from Kelly Brook in Easy Living magazine: "I'm not scared to walk away when things aren't working. I'm not scared of being single, of not having kids. What I am scared of is being stuck in something negative. That is what I am most proud of: having the confidence to know I deserve everything."
The pressure to be thin can be tremendous. This pressure comes from the media and other women. It rarely comes from men. If a man loves you he won't mind if you pack on a couple of pounds.
When I was in drama school I heard stories of women eating cotton balls soaked in orange juice to stay thin. The very idea of it is insane. If you starve yourself your body will not get any nutrients. You will damage your fertility, your health and your hair will fall out. I have heard way too much about starvation diets, that is not a diet, it is anorexia. Let's stop it now.
Another thing: The whole Curvy versus Skinny thing is a war that should never be waged. Different people are supposed to be different sizes. Diversity is beautiful.
Let a Man Pay For Everything
There is nothing wrong with the man paying for the first date in my opinion. Especially as the women has already probably spent a fortune on a new dress and beauty treatments. However, letting a man pay for everything gives him the control in the relationship. It also makes it harder to walk away if the relationships stops working and you are not financially stable. A woman should always have a means of making money. If not, she has no control of her own future. Virginia Woolf has a famous quote that 'A woman must have money and a room of her own'. I could not put it better myself.
Judge Another Woman's Choices.
Woman can be really hard on each other. The truth is that sometimes when we judge it is actually a mixture of envy and admiration. Life does not give everything to one person. When you make a choice another option ends. The grass can seem greener on the other side. When women judge each other it holds us all back. It is time to live and let live.
Take Her Foot Off The Pedal
Another thing that some woman do is slowing down or quitting, even before they realise they have done so. When you start to think about children you can take your foot off the gas pedal. This can manifest in not applying for promotions, not going after something with a passion or not following a dream. The expectation of getting pregnant can stop you in your tracks, but do not let it. You never know what will happen in life and maybe you will not want to be a stay-at-home mum. Stay passionate and go after what you want.
What do you think women do to sabotage themselves?
This article originally appeared on Frost Magazine