THE BLOG

Get Naked It's Summer!

10/06/2013 12:28 BST | Updated 09/08/2013 10:12 BST

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The roasting British sun is the best excuse to hit the London parks! One would expect the park to be a place to relax and somewhere to chill out, maybe catch a few rays. However, it appears to be a raging circus full of dynamics, a place where ANYTHING GOES when the sun is out!

Walking into the park you are confronted by see a sea of bodies draped across every part of greenery that once existed. There is nowhere to sit. Space is so desperate that people are bursting into the pathways; everybody is trying to soak up as much sun as they can. Every spot is taken as you try and wiggle your way through the maze like formation of bodies.

Furthermore, what people are prepared to do when the sun is out can appear very abnormal. The positions you're prepared to put yourself through are questionable. Individuals lie flat out in the starfish position arms and legs wide open. You're thinking to yourself, this is slightly desperate? You see people lying across benches. In your mind you're screaming out loud, "hmmm no, you're not on a tropical beach in the Bahamas' or an electric sun-bed, your on a public bench!" Getting your kit off also plays a key role in park behaviour when it is sunny. You see individuals literally stripping down to their underwear! Now correct me if I am wrong, aren't bra's meant to be worn under tops!? Women are casually lying on grass literally exposing themselves to everyone. No they do not care who sees them, of course, it is bloody sunny so who cares!

In addition to the nudist figures, the picnic baskets are out. You're surrounded by an array of different antipasti's, from char grilled peppers to artichokes. The lean man sporting a casual tracksuit look with his top off has bought five different hummus dips and endless packets of crisps. The alcohol is also flowing and the speakers are pumping. Some people even dance around their picnic, they bloody love life right now because it is sunny!

Nonetheless, having a picnic can also be a HAZARD. There is always that one dog that comes up to you and your friend and try's to eat all the food you have to carefully arranged and selected from you're local Waitrose. The Great Dane, a dog pretty much bigger than you, is hovering above you as you're lying on your picnic mat. As you look up, the dog's nose is now in the tzatziki dip! Wicked. "Bertie come back here", shouts the fuming red hair. She is running now whilst she does hurdles over the sea of bodies. "Oh gosh I am so sorry about this, really I am". You're looking at her half smiling and thinking to yourself; it may help o put your dog on a lead?

Hiding under the more shaded areas of the park, nestling under the trees are the cool kids, the rebels who have bunked off school to sit with in their crew smoking. Most of them don't even know how to smoke and some are only about fourteen or fifteen but they still want to show off. These 'cool kid' groups are like 'bespoke tribes', they are all kitted out with their school rucksacks and their school ties undone, all of which make it evident they are bunking off school!

All in all, when there is a sporadic burst of sunshine in the London this drives us humans CRAZY! So obsessed with the heat we will do anything to make sure the sunshine hits our bodies. We perform as if we were on the promenade at St Tropez or lying on a tropical beach. We don't care who stares at us. The sun is out and so are our white bodies, soaking up any ray of sunshine we can, never mind how bizarre we look.