I have just broken my own record! I've had a profile on an online dating app for one entire month.
Before that my record was 48 hours, as a result of me being totally cynical about online dating and paranoid I'll meet some type of weirdo...
After one month on Happn, the outcome has been: One failed attempt to arrange what could have been a bit of a promising date; and one sort of awkward date that lasted exactly 45 minutes. Awesome!
Other than that, nothing, rien de rien, nada... but at least, I can say I've given it a go...
It's no wonder that for the last few weeks I've been going on about how I can't seem to get myself a proper date.
Dating in big cities has its own set of non-written rules, and you better get them right, or you're totally screwed! You either jump on the dating boat or leave things to the romantic uncertainty of fate, which, to be honest, sounds a lot more like me. But the problem with that is, that fate tends to unfold at its own pace, and it doesn't necessarily tend to be in a hurry...
I've been in London long enough to have figured out the rules of these dating games. But it looks like I still haven't managed to get it quite right. Honestly, I'm not even joking, a city of 8 million people and I struggle to get a date with someone I fancy... And I mean, I'm not exactly Miss Spain, but I'm a nice Spanish señorita, as some of my dear English friends like to call me... Dear me!
Don't get me wrong though, I have dated a few guys since I moved to London, but things just didn't work out. And ok, maybe it's not fair to just blame the big city, as I might be partly guilty too...
My love life over the past few years has been: Either me seeing someone who I really liked but it not turning into something serious... Me not seeing anyone but being totally hung-up on a past someone -who was equally living too far away or either far too non-committal... Or me seeing someone really nice but still being totally hung-up on one of the aforementioned 'someones'... So yeah, I guess I can't put all the blame on London.
BUT... actually, there have definitely also been times where I have not been in any of those situations and I've been left with nothing on the horizon but a dry desert, void of any kind of interesting guys...!
I'm still stuck in the traditional way of "Girl meets guy, guy meets girl, they look into each other's eyes, instant attraction, a few weeks or even months of ups and downs, to then end up being happily together, madly in love, forever after". Yes, I am hopelessly and utterly a girl of the Dirty Dancing/The Notebook generation... Ok, let's add Fifty Shades of Grey to that pool too, yes I do really like Fifty Shades...
Unfortunately, that is not quite the way things happen in big cities nowadays. It's more something like, "Girl swipes left, left, left, right; guy swipes right, right, right, right; mutual match; courtesy messages exchange -only if you're lucky and don't get an immediate "shall we meet now?" at midnight type of message-; few dates; start "seeing each other"; then a few months or a year down the line 'finito la comedia' - "this is going too fast, too far, too slow or just going nowhere..."
Bottom line is, no matter whether you may want to find a committed relationship or just a casual partner, true love or entertainment, your soulmate or a sex buddy... if you live in a big city, in the 21st century, unless you're incredibly lucky, you'll have to cross paths with a fair amount of people that won't just feel exactly right and that quite possibly want the exact opposite to what you do... Until you actually at some point, somehow, find or are found by the person, who feels totally right and that wants exactly things as you do.
Then, and only then, can you enjoy a world of unlimited doses of complicity, fun, committal or non-committal sex, a committed or open relationship, or whatever it is you're after.
But until that moment, when the stars align for you to cross-paths with that one person, you better get your dating strategy right... or, alternatively, get out of the city! ;)
I leave you with this cool experiment-video called "Offline Dating". It's been filmed in Hackney, London and it shows pretty accurately what I'm describing in this article... Tom is quite adorable and utterly cute and he still gets rejected by lots of girls, because of his straightforward face-to-face approach.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Online dating, offline dating? Is it any easier outside town...?
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