Christopher Beanland
GET UPDATES FROM Christopher Beanland
 
Christopher writes satire here. And journalism there: http://journalisted.com/chris-beanland

Entries by Christopher Beanland

You Must Be Kidding? How We're All Turning Back Into Children

(3) Comments | Posted 21 March 2013 | (23:00)

We're reading books for children, eating food for children and wishing we still were children. To understand why, look at this list. Kids love lists.

1
The Budget

Jaded journalist Donald Saddington writes:

"Look at the small print of this week's Budget and you'll see a hidden clause that...

Read Post

13 For 2013: The Top Young Media Hot Shots Who'll Be Doing Much Better Than You This Year

(0) Comments | Posted 6 January 2013 | (23:00)

1
Polly Eversson
Seven year-old North Yorkshire schoolgirl Polly Eversson is tipped as a future prime minister. At the age of five, she began her own social networking site for tweenagers, selling it last year to Facebook for £900 Million. She is the world's youngest Billionaire, and -...

Read Post

I'm a Confessional Journalist: Why Do Other Confessional Journalists Think My Commissioning Editor Is Fair Game?

(3) Comments | Posted 22 December 2012 | (23:00)

Here, female confessional journalist LARA CRUMBLE wonders aloud why all the other confessional journalists are after her commissioning editor.

Two weeks ago I strutted into a brasserie off Kensington High Street called Le Lapin Mort - fashionably late of course! With a freshly blow-dried do and a pair of killer...

Read Post

Revealed: The Newspaper of the Future

(1) Comments | Posted 27 October 2012 | (00:00)

What will the newspaper of the future look like in - say - 2086? Media experts share their prophecies.

The paper of the future
"Rather than wrapping fish 'n' chips, tomorrow's technologically advanced electronic newspapers will be interactive - and edible. You will literally be able to eat Jan...

Read Post

The Post-Olympic Blues

(0) Comments | Posted 21 August 2012 | (00:00)

Donald Saddington - depressed journalist, 57 year-old widower, and recent migrant to East London - finds that everyone but him seems to be coasting on an Olympic feel good factor.

"BANG BANG BANG" went the front door of my hastily rented flat in Hackney, the horrendous rapping waking me with...

Read Post

Olympic London: The Coolest Place on the Planet?

(4) Comments | Posted 11 July 2012 | (00:00)

Is Olympic London the coolest place on the planet? Who better to ask than Donald Saddington. The renowned journalist is aged 57, lives alone in an isolated cottage in the Hebrides, and suffers from acute depression following the recent death of his wife.

Donald Saddington writes...

I emerge, blinking, at...

Read Post

Completely Half-Baked: Britain's First Artisan Journalismery Opens

(0) Comments | Posted 11 May 2012 | (00:00)

Why would a band of City high flyers give up properly-paid jobs to become penny-pinching home-based hacks? What drives the men who set up Britain's first artisan journalismery?

In a railway arch in east London (well it wouldn't be anywhere else in Britain, would it?), with egos rumbling everywhere and...

Read Post

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Social Media but Were Afraid to Ask

(0) Comments | Posted 20 March 2012 | (15:21)

Do you want to become an instant techx-pert? Yes you do? Good. Because social media guru Oulu Franchester-Hellcombe is on hand to answer your questions. Here are the internet agony aunt's top tips for social success online.


Dear Oulu...

TWITTERING FOR BIRDS
'I'm a Canada...

Read Post

Food and Drink: Human Flesh on the Menu at London Restaurant

(6) Comments | Posted 27 February 2012 | (23:00)

Welsh Food journalist Geffryda Frygefda gets an exclusive taste of London's latest gastronomic trend - human flesh. But, she asks, is cannibalism all it's cracked up to be?

Geffryda Frygefda eats her words...

"I know you're a cannibal," sang The Breeders in 1987. And never could they...

Read Post

Why Can't Journalists Stop Writing Books?

(0) Comments | Posted 13 February 2012 | (23:00)

"I've lost count of the amount of risible manuscripts I get in the post from journalists who want to be proper writers," says top London literary agent Chazory Greenfingers, while she daintily gnaws at a custard cream. "I received a particularly godforsaken one last year which was simply garrulous smut...

Read Post

TV: Great British Bandwagon Jumping Journeys

(0) Comments | Posted 9 January 2012 | (23:00)

Cult BBC TV hit Great British Railway Journeys has proved so popular with teatime viewers that a host of other 'journey' shows are set to follow in its footsteps. All of which begs the question: why bother leaving the house at all?

Great British Bus Journeys

Michael Portillo's patience is...

Read Post

Music: The Sound of 2012

(1) Comments | Posted 21 December 2011 | (23:00)

The most on-the-money music journalists and critical commentators have selected the six new music acts that they reckon will be "blowing up big" in 2012...

1.
Z\Z
Z\Z (pronounced "zed-forward-slash-zed") is the brainchild of Rupert White. White, who graduated from the University of Manchester with a BA in...

Read Post

2011: The Media Year in Review

(0) Comments | Posted 27 November 2011 | (22:00)

Seven big media hitters give their personal take on the highs and lows of 2011 in broadcasting, publishing, PR and the online world.

Lara Crumble
Writes features for women's magazines
On...The year in media
"My media review of the year? Christ. Fiddlesticks. Ummm? Okay. Let me think....

Read Post

The Worst Date Movies Ever

(10) Comments | Posted 7 November 2011 | (22:00)

Don't expect many laughs at the cinema this autumn. Since the success of Blue Valentine - the cinematic equivalent of watching oblivious ducklings waddling onto a motorway at rush hour - Hollywood has gone mad for sadness. Bouncy rom-coms are out, films that portray the crushing disappointment of lost love...

Read Post

The Next Mad Men? Why Writers, Directors and TV Execs are Desperate to Depict the Media

(2) Comments | Posted 21 October 2011 | (00:00)

Creative people. You know them. They sit around in warehouse conversions writing things or editing videos in the middle of the night. Or they slouch around in cafes, talking... wearing a fez.

Right now these people are making all kinds of art which is inspired by the media.

...
Read Post

TOWIE Vs Made in Chelsea: It's Reality TV war

(0) Comments | Posted 10 October 2011 | (00:00)

This week I asked seven of Britain's foremost media go-getters to choose between television's current top reality shows. Unfortunately they were busy. But these hacks had some spare time to share their opinions instead.

Voting for... The Only Way Is Essex

LARA CRUMBLE
Freelance features writer, various women's magazines

Read Post

What do you Get if you Merge BBC Three and BBC Four? BBC Throur

(1) Comments | Posted 3 October 2011 | (00:00)

This week sees the publication of the long-awaited report into the future of the BBC. Speculation is rife that, rather than biting the bullet and choosing between putting either BBC Three or BBC Four entirely out of their misery, BBC bean counters will instead try to merge both channels into...

Read Post

Asylum Seekers Deserve Help not Hindrance From the Media

(12) Comments | Posted 23 September 2011 | (00:00)

Why do asylum seekers get such a rough ride in the media? There seems to be a fundamental misunderstanding at the heart of the debate which is exploited by certain papers and politicians to trick the British public into thinking things which aren't true. Piled one on top of the...

Read Post

How it Feels to Have Your Phone Hacked

(0) Comments | Posted 16 September 2011 | (00:00)

The great tabloid scandal of 2011 throws up one last point of order: what was actually in the messages that were hacked? And how does it feel when your privacy is invaded?

Innocent people and - worse still - victims of tragedies, like Milly Dowler and Christian Small, were caught...

Read Post

Why the Drums Write Great Break up Songs

(0) Comments | Posted 10 September 2011 | (00:00)

Some music critics have been rather unkind about the new album by The Drums. But these hacks are missing the point about the New York indie troupe's second full-length offering, which was released this week.

It may be samey, but its strength lies in singer Jonathan Pierce's knack of...

Read Post