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Jose Cracks The Zlatan Code!

01/11/2016 18:21

Many people have tried to stop Zlatan Ibrahimovic scoring goals for fun over the years and it looks as though someone has finally been successful. That's right, Jose Mourinho seems to have cracked to code to make Zlatan less than mortal. Yet another game at Old Trafford passed by with the opposition goalkeeper putting in a super human performance to keep a clean sheet. Or that is the narrative that Jose will have you believe. Sure, United created 30 or so shots and Heaton saved many of them, but really? You can't score one of them? Jose was sent to see it from the fan's point of view after giving Clattenburg an extra special piece of his mind, and Herrera couldn't stand it anymore either. You may think I am always giving United a hard time, but I like Herrera. He has some fight in him. To give Jose some credit however, he managed to coax a clean sheet out of a defence that had Marcus Rojo in it.

A couple of weeks ago the usually smug Alan Pardew was headlined with "people talk about England, but why would I leave Palace?" How about because you have only won 5 games in 31, Alan? That kind of form, with the money you have spent, tends to make you a favourite for the chippity-chop come the January transfer window. Kloppo led his team to Croydon and entertained the pants off the evening TV crowd with a 4-2 win. They even managed it with Moreno who probably needs to learn that you cannot block a cross when you are standing ten metres away from the winger. It wasn't a free kick, there is no excuse. Mind you, he did get closer to his man than any of the Palace players got to Matip. There is a buzz around Liverpool at the moment, one of the few teams managing to avoid any criticism at this early stage in the season.

Softest penalty of the season goes to Spurs. It allowed Janssen to recall the feeling of putting the ball in the back of the net, but it was never a penalty. Leicester looked like Leicester, and battled back to a very good point at the Lane.

Ronald Koeman flexed his man-management muscles once again, coaxing match-winning performances out of Romelu Lukaku and Ross Barkley in Everton's 2-0 over West Ham. Lukaku wishes he could play West Ham every week. Mind you, quite a few people feel like that at the moment.

Each week that goes by makes it more and more unlikely that Sunderland will attract a decent manager by the time they sack Moyes. Ten games in and the Mackems have two points. Moyes though, well he is refusing to panic. If you are not going to panic now David, when are you? Your side just managed to make Giroud look like the most predatory striker in the land, I'd panic. Arsenal capitalised on Sunderland collapsing like a badly baked cake on GBBO with twenty minutes left.

That Manchester City crisis lasted almost as long as the gap between Liverpool fans cursing Lovren and then loving Lovren. Pep is clearly using Aguero in the less important games now, and the Argentine was at the centre of most things good for City in their 4-0 win. Gundogan also got a brace and it is worth recalling that he cost less than the fee United paid Pogba's agent for signing him. West Brom's finest performance came from their fans who were singing "we've got the ball" in the rare occasion that they got the ball from their opponents, changing instantly to "we've lost the ball" each time they immediately gave it back.

As I said on FANTVuk on Friday night, Bournemouth would play some pretty stuff and Middlesbrough would be pretty tough to break down. Both sides played their part and Boro ran out 2-0 winners in a win that eases a little pressure on Karanka.

I might have suggested in the week that Hull captain Michael Dawson returning from injury might just be the fillip that Phelan's men needed to stabilise their season. Dawson managed to turn into his own net as Hull lost 1-0 to Watford. Sorry Daws. Watford, incredibly, are 7th in the table. If they can avoid their second half to the season crumble, they might be the surprise package.

Antonio Conte headed into the match with Southampton working out the best way to make Sir Alex eat his words. Fergie had suggested he did not see Chelsea as title contenders this season. The pundits seem to know little about Chelsea as Jamie Redknapp was talking up the "young English talent" that is Victor Moses. Moses is a 26-year-old Nigerian international. The Robbie Savage award very much goes to Redknapp junior this week. Still, that young English talent played a big part in Hazard opening the scoring for the Blues. The big grump that is Costa doubled the lead to move Chelsea into a slightly congested top four.

PS: If you want daily satire from Chris, head over to www.talesfromthetopflight.com

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