Big Brother - All's Well That Ends.

13/07/2016 10:25 | Updated 13 July 2016

With Annihilation week upon us my gut tells me we'll be waving goodbye to Andy pretty soon, particularly if the vote remains in the claws of his fellow housemates. As and when he goes, I'll be skipping the rest of this series. Not out of protest, or indignation, but aside from Jason and a couple of others I am just not into the line up at all. And those I do like, I have no investment in. Jayne is an interesting woman, and I think she has been a great housemate, and Alex - who hitherto has been the very definition of likeable at face value - has really shone in the past few days. But these are still not engaging enough characters to keep me plowing through all the human tripe. I mean, I still can't honestly tell you the first thing about Alex, except that he is very beautiful and did a wonderful job narrating Thomas the Tank Engine.

Nothing about Big Brother says it has to be fair. Even the rule book itself, given to housemates upon entering ends with the words 'Big Brother can change the rules at any time', and I have no quarrel with that (except the waste of paper). I do however think the production falls short in the fairness stakes when the audience get left out of the process. Granted, the show still has zero obligation, even to the audience, but housemates evicting other housemates arguably makes a mockery of fans paying to save their favourites in the first place. Anyhow, in deference to the approaching final cuntdown, with one closing blast of muted indifference I offer you my remaining thoughts on the series.


I'll start with Ryan and Hughie, as they are simple. Not in the delicate way that a daisy, or a butterfly might beguile us with it's plain, uncomplicated elegance; no. Simple like nappy rash. And they hate Andy with all the subtlety of a Klaxon. I believe they hate Andy more than any of their other housemates because he has had them pegged the longest. Look at how they were challenged over the pool party selection by the majority of the house, and how they handled other complaints compared to how they handled his. Hughie had his back to Andy the whole time, trying to win over the house and lift the burden of blame for a knowingly selfish act (sacrificing certain housemates in favour of pool toys and sweets, based on personal friendships). The moment Andy gave his opinion, it was a barrage of attack, with Ryan on one side, face like a dog's Boglin, and Hughie the other grunting like a Walrus. The volume gets raised to eleven whenever Andy speaks - to drown him out - and the more Hughie protests, the more questionable his innocence becomes.

This hostility toward Andy, for my money, results from him being the voice of reason. And reason is entirely antithetical to Ryan and Hughie's schtick. That's the tragedy. It is not Andy the person they distrust, it's his intelligence. They don't know Andy the person. If you are a thinker, you are sneaky! If you speak in words others do not understand, then you are a snob (the fallacy of reverse snobbery). Of course, Andy is not a snob, and is effectively being punished for their limited imaginations. So, I think he is welcome to question, and even deride people who would sell him down the river without a thought. We are all entitled to be prejudice against hateful ignorance. And none embody this better, in my view, than Ryan and Hughie have in these past weeks. I would rank Ryan as one of the most unappealing housemates to have ever walked into Big Brother; infantile, preening, derivative, self-involved and overwhelmingly ghastly. Offensive not only to the senses, but to sense itself. Sadly, Hughie, perhaps through osmosis has failed to come up much higher than this toxic mess. I just hope outside in his normal life he will grow to become the interesting man he surely is - and deserves to be - beneath all of the frustration.


I'd forgive you for thinking I have a special fixation with those two, but it's not that. They are the loudest attention seekers, and as such the largest bugs on the windshield. But while they've been jostling for position, Evelyn has been trying to jostle herself... onto Alex. To his eternal credit he gave her the shortest of short shrifts. But watching Evelyn throwing all her aces at him in the garden as they bounced off one by one was the first time in this series that I have actually wept with laughter. She has clearly never had to try hard in the past with men, and her whinging bafflement at his eschewal was hysterical. I just pray Alex doesn't begin to think it's a good idea to go there.

Similarly, Jackson has said he has tried really hard in the house to be a bigger, better person and rise above things. I believe he has tried, and I do have to admit a quiet fondness for him still, regardless of his knee jerk nature, and dubious taste in women. My only reservation is that if this is him trying his best, he has some way to go. Perhaps if he began to internalize the calm, logical, open minded idea of himself that he forever pimps out, he might just become it. As for Sam, Lateysha and Laura... I really have no desire to enter those waters. I'd only get my toes wet.

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