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Amazing Office Fridge Adventure

06/08/2014 13:51 BST | Updated 06/10/2014 10:59 BST

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So I'm working in this office (that's me on the left up there, obviously) and I'm thinking what if I emailed the whole company asking:

Has anyone got stuff in the fridge I can use to cook something with this lunch time? You'll get a mention on my world famous website myfoodeeblog.com

Where I work has 100 employees or whatever so I wasn't at all concerned that I would be able to source all kinds of incredible deliciousness, but I had to go into a meeting where they had paper and graphs and laptops and DATA so couldn't gauge the immediate response to my email.

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The meeting went very well and I was promoted.

Afterwards, I checked to see what I would be cooking with and eventually got given all of this!

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A mouldy old clementine, a 1 week old banana and "wodge of rice-stuffed vine leaves ". All right!

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So on what incredible food adventure am I going to take these astonishing ingredients on?

Well I first figured I'd need to bulk up the ingredients list with some items from Sainsbury's because, let's face it, there's f*ck all you can do with a mouldy clementine, a 1 week old banana and some rice stuffed vine leaves:

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Prawns, miso soup, corriander, lime, cashew nuts, coconut cream.

To get everyone in the office spirit I've run everything that follows through the Official Office Management Speak Language Generator, OOMSLG

Limited ingredients called for an intelligent solution to the constraints of the host model; other actors were downloaded into the work arena.

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The first construct of our new food narrative was the elucidation and comparison of three key stakeholders:

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The cashew nuts, mouldy clementine and 1 week old banana are combined to form a paradigm shifting salad.

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In order to hit the ground running I decided to combine the salad alongside a soup defined by juice of the lime, miso soup, corriander, coconut cream and prawns:

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After microwaving for 1 minute, I removed and delegated the contents of the salad and the vine leaves. This new imagineering was served in a vessel deemed appropriate for the digestion and transportation of the new model:

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How did it taste?

The vectorisation of the mouldy clementine was unnecessary for overall success of the project but all the other items successfully met the criteria required by the board in order to move forward. Interactions such as banana and coconut enriched the dish and the tea flavour from the vine leaves and lime contrasted against other players in the work-food scenario; the cashew nuts inputted a difference in texture which surpassed all key stakeholder expectations.

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Overall, this project was a pass and the board of directors recommends next steps are undertaken to successfully complete the next phase in the construction of office lunches moving forward.

The board also urges that you add myfoodeeblog to your Twitter list as you will be able to receive timely and rewarding updates.

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Hit the ground running.

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Paradigm.

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Moving forward.

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