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Mistresses Will Never be the Wives, but Why Would They Want To?

20/02/2014 12:42 GMT | Updated 20/04/2014 10:59 BST

So 13th February marks a new occasion in the annual event's calendar, Mistress Day. An allocated 'special' day for wayward husbands to lavish their 'other woman' with gifts and affection, while the traditional Valentines Day is obviously spared for their devoted wives, (quite rightly-so!) Reinforcing the notion that in cupids love triangle, mistresses spend a lonesome Valentines Day, heaped on the couch, crying into their tub of Haagan Dazs, in front of the telly watching The Notebook. In fact, that archaic image couldn't be far from the truth.

Mistresses have been around since the beginning of time. And have typically played the role of the gullible, hopeless and reckless 'other woman', wasting her time on a man who will never leave his wife and kids. But of course, she falls captive to his charms and empty promises, and sticks around with the hope that maybe, just maybe, he would. And so, she braves the torrent of abuse thrown her way of, 'home-wrecker', 'hussy', 'side -chick', amongst other expletives, all in the name of so-called "love".

Well, that may be the case for a handful out there, but the role of the 'other woman' has seemingly evolved. Now, I know I'll probably get some stick for this (hey, I'm married), but most mistresses do not want to permanently 'steal' their lover from his wife/family, nor run away into the sunset with him. In fact, they couldn't think of anything much worse than being his 'kept-woman', and playing the wicked step-mother, whilst settling down to domestic bliss.

Nowadays, mistresses are savvy, ambitious, determined and know exactly what they are getting involved in. So, why take pity on them with a dedicated, 'special occasion? For many, the whole appeal of the affair is that her lover is unobtainable, forbidden and a somewhat mystical fantasy figure. A great escape from her reality, and best kept, guilty secret. They can walk away at any time with no feelings of obligation or commitment, and never look back. Not to mention, have her Queen -size bed all to herself when she wants to!

Let's face it, the sudden transition from the illicit encounters, heated phone exchanges, romantic surprises, and sexy lingerie to picking up dirty socks and underwear from the floor, snoring, and bickering over household finances, are hardly anything to get excited about. As they say, the grass really isn't always greener. As much as Olivia Pope in Scandal is hopelessly in love with President Fitz, would she really want to fill the stilettos of his First Lady? Absolutely not!

Far from being a cynic, I get that it's not all about intimacy. An affair can provide a great deal of emotional support, a friendship like no other, and has the power to discover or re-ignite passions within. If it is meant to be, then it's real love and is clearly written in the stars, but not everybody can have a 'Brangelina' fairytale ending.

So yes, mistresses will never bear the official 'missus', status, but it's not because the husbands won't let them. It's because they simply don't want it!