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David Schneider

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Hodgson, Time to Get Woute One Out of Our System

Posted: 17/05/2012 10:22

And so the England team has been announced, with a few surprises for those who love giving Roy Hodgson a kick up the Rs. Roy's clearly not worried by headline-writers and tweeters looking forward to "Woy at the Euwos" or bemoaning the exclusion from the squad of Nintendo Wii-O Ferdinand. I imagine that someone has even tweeted that a certain club manager has called on Roy to welease Wodewick (from international duty). But our Roy/Woy has met the wibbers head-on.

Who cares that England fans have prepared to goad him for years by adding an "r" into the national team's name ("Eng-er-land"), just look at the 'r's on the team he's picked: Gerrard, Terry - hell, there's even a call-up for Andy Carroll. And John Ruddy. Of Norwich! Norwich - even the spelling is designed to confuse Hodgson. Yes, Roy's clearly ready to take on all this shallowness. It wouldn't surprise me if he arranged a pre-tournament friendly with the Republic of Ruritania.

I suspect that speech impediment fans will fight back by trying to confuse the England manager. Interviewers will start asking whether he plans to play Theo Ralcott alongisde Rayne Rooney. Or they'll invent an English grandmother to ask why he hasn't selected Sergei Rebrov or that talented youngster Joe Ranks-Highlyinrome.

The thing about speech impediment jokes is they are, to use a footballing term, woute one. We need to get them out of our system so we can get on with supporting the team. I remember when Steve Coogan did his first Paul Calf show, when "bag of shite" was the machine-gun catchphrase every comedy fan kept shouting. Coogan/Calf opened the show by getting the audience to say "bag of shite" over and over again. They got it out of their system so he could then move on to other jokes. It sounds like a plan we should adopt for the Euros. So here, in case you missed it, is the England Cheap Joke XI, to help us get this out of our system. It is, of course, if you can pronounce it, 4-3-3.

ruddy
With thanks for the pic to chigwiri.com
 

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And so the England team has been announced, with a few surprises for those who love giving Roy Hodgson a kick up the Rs. Roy's clearly not worried by headline-writers and tweeters looking forward to "...
And so the England team has been announced, with a few surprises for those who love giving Roy Hodgson a kick up the Rs. Roy's clearly not worried by headline-writers and tweeters looking forward to "...
 
 
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01:50 PM on 05/25/2012
You really should have another crack at writing on this one, David. It's certainly not your finest article.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ccraiglamont
Sometimes funny, other times...not!
03:36 PM on 05/18/2012
You wrote this article? Looks like a rehash of the many unfunny text 'jokes' going around that aren't funny and are actually quite insulting.
I wish you every success if you plan to make a career out of comedy, but would recommend you employ someone to write your material that IS genuinely funny.
Now, will someone please sweep all this tumbleweed from the discussion board?
01:32 PM on 05/18/2012
You are a comedian eh?
Really?
11:38 PM on 05/17/2012
If I had used any of the terms used in this article in my comment - you can be sure that it would have been blocked. Double values Huff.
07:56 PM on 05/17/2012
Probably the worst article I have read on Huff Post by someone who calls himself a comedian, Not funny and we have never heard of you.
08:13 PM on 05/17/2012
You want to try & read your own comments!
02:59 PM on 05/18/2012
Seed scatterer

I don't think you are bright enough to understand humour, or the real world come to that.

Sorry, I did not mean to come down to your level and I apologise

Love you lots
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Martin Burkinshaw
04:20 PM on 05/17/2012
Bit of a cheap joke isn't it? After all the furore a couple of weeks ago, when The Sun (even worse that you so far behind that effort, just beggars belief!) yet, you have gone down the same route. Incredible effort from Mr Schneider - a bit of a chump, it would seem.
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gimmeanamethen
saying it like it is
04:06 PM on 05/17/2012
trying to get cheap laughs by highlighting his speech impediment is disgraceful, when kids at school start being picked on for speaking like that then i hope you will remember your contribution.
i suppose it could be a lot worse for roy hodgson, if he looked like David Schneider.
02:40 PM on 05/17/2012
So next it'll be jokes about people missing limbs or bed ridden. Maybe it's just me but I think this is Cheap! Huffington Post should remove it!
01:44 PM on 05/17/2012
"alongisde" eh? You might want to check your spelling (or typing ... actually, writing) impediment before you make fun of others ... ... maybe I should write a terrible article about it ...
11:23 AM on 05/17/2012
I do hope you're not getting paid to write this rubbish.