THE BLOG

One Week Countdown

12/06/2017 11:32 BST | Updated 12/06/2017 11:32 BST

So, I'm on the one week countdown. This time next week I will be back at work after nine months of blissful maternity leave (I know I'm completely sleep deprived and there have been challenging days, but I've got a large pair of rose tinted specs since the countdown has begun in ernest). I'm still feeling quite (incredibly) emotional... it keeps creeping up on me, I'll be feeding baby M and suddenly realise that I won't be giving her her lunch soon and I get a real lump in my throat or she'll be playing with nanny and grandad and I'll realise that she'll still be doing that next week, only I won't be there. I have a sense of how much I am going to miss, but can't quite imagine what it will be like.

I got in quite a flap the other day, and to be honest I had to have a word with myself! You see, these feelings are primarily me feeling sad for myself. There is of course a significant feeling of worry about how baby M will take to me not being around after nine months of a 24/7 relationship, but I know really she'll be fine.

You see, me and Mr. Mummy's back at work, have taken advantage of the government's new shared parental leave allowance, meaning that when I return to work next week, Mr. MBAW will step in for the five weeks up to the school holidays. Baby M will be in her own home with her daddy, following her usual routine and even going to her usual baby groups (big thanks to my NCT ladies who are going to show Mr. MBAW the ropes! ). The only thing changing for her is who she's with. But it's hard to imagine. I've spent so much time thinking about what it will be like, but actually I have no idea. I guess it's the uncertainty and newness that is causing the wobbles alongside the thought of leaving her.

Anyway, whilst having a word with myself, I decided to try (!) to think positively. I started to think about the things that would be good about going back to work. First and foremost, will be earning a proper salary again. SMP is nowhere near enough to live off, let alone fund my new habit of over-stocking baby M's wardrobe! Secondly, I'm looking forward to seeing and working with my lovely colleagues. I have a wonderful team at my school and it is honestly a pleasure to work with them.

And last but certainly not least, I'm seriously looking forward to not being able to eat eight million calories a day. I have taken eating to breastfeed to a whole new level and will be happy to have to limit my cake intake! I have really enjoyed all the baby groups and meet ups with my mummy friends, but goodness me have we consumed some cake! I'm pretty sure it is women on maternity leave that are keeping the coffee shops of this country going! But no more for me. Muffin top.... your days are numbered!!

Anyone got anything they're looking forward to about returning to work?

Post script. Baby M has slept a whole night since my last post. It was exciting.... it was a one off!