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'Celebrity Big Brother' - An Unusually Depressing Affair

09/09/2014 17:33 BST | Updated 09/11/2014 10:59 GMT

This year's Celebrity Big Brother is an unusually depressing affair. When I first watched it I could not recognise a single person on it apart from Gary Busey, whom I'd watched in slack-jawed amazement on a US show called Celebrity Rehab. I had to Google the cast to find out who they were (never a good sign on a "celeb" show) and now I can fill you in should you be equally confused.

The problem is that the original concept of "celeb" reality shows was to mix a set of different "celebs" together so that you could see what they were really like behind their public facades. In Celebrity Big Brother almost everyone is "famous" for being in their own reality shows like TOWIE, Geordie Shore, Made In Chelsea, Benefits Street etc. This means that we already know what they are like. That is the point of the shows they are already on. It's very confusing.

Anyway, there is a trout-faced girl from TOWIE who has done a sex tape, A Californian blonde from Made In Chelsea and a Geordie from Geordie Shore. They are all eminently forgettable. Then there is White Dee from Benefits Street who, ironically, is probably the most normal and well-adjusted person in the house. There is an appalling strutting peacock called James from Strictly Come Dancing - a man more pleased with himself it would be hard to find. Why Audley Harrison the ex-boxer, doesn't deck him, I have no idea? For the first time in his career, he would have the support of the nation should he choose to do so. There is an Irish woman whom I believe is related to the thick one from Westlife. She however doesn't ever say anything as she apparently has personal issues that she doesn't want to discuss on telly (surely an issue she might have considered before appearing on the show?)

Gary Busey is undoubtedly entertaining but only in the way that some people enjoy watching fatal car crashes. In my opinion, he is mentally ill and should not be on this show. He is unbalanced, seemingly incapable of looking after himself and exists in a weird world of his own. He is passed from reality show to reality show like some crazed time bomb. One day he will really go off and the producers of whatever show he happens to be on at that time will probably face some jail time. I thought shows like this had psychiatrists who assessed whether someone was stable enough to appear on it? Mind you, Gillian McKeith managed to get cleared for my series of I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!, so go figure...

The real star of the show is George Gilbey. The irony of this is that George has been plucked from Channel 4's wonderful series Gogglebox, in which the viewers of telly become the stars. Now, George has stopped appearing on telly watching telly to appear on the telly being watched. Because of this he has been fired from his telly job watching the telly. Confused? So is television right now. Ah well, George will win, because he is a nice ordinary bloke and TV will continue to slowly eat itself. Burp...