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Seven Things Teetotal Students Are Tired of Hearing

14/05/2015 15:49 BST | Updated 13/05/2016 10:59 BST

According to the media, all uni students do is boogie (old people word for getting low) and bolt VKs. However, I am one of those students that the media tends to forget about, in their trend of painting us all with the same vodka-stained brush. I don't drink. Don't get me wrong, I cannot stand the stereotype of the boring sober guy. Anyone who knows me will know that despite still being able to walk in a straight line, I will happily stay in a club until 3am and I like to go out two or three times a week, I just don't do it with the addition of alcohol. As with anything that makes you 'different' though, there are plenty of misconceptions and annoying things that people of the less intelligent kind insist on saying to you over and over again. Here's my list of 7 things teetotal students are tired of hearing...

1.) 'So, how comes you don't drink?'

I understand that this one is kind of inevitable. This is because teetotal students are still in the minority, so people want to know what turns them off of drinking. It's just when you're asked the same question by every single person you meet, it doesn't half become annoying. To make this dull question more interesting, I like to pretend I am a recovering alcoholic who started drinking at the age of seven, or that I had one night where I got so loose, I pooed myself in the bath and could just never face vodka again.

2.) 'Have a sip of this, come on, just a sip...'

I'll pass thanks. If you were drinking your favourite alcoholic beverage on a night out and I was in your face telling you that you 'just have to' have a sip of my diet coke, because I'm '100% certain' that you'll enjoy it, how would that make you feel? I'm guessing pretty annoyed, right? So why not think about that the next time you're shoving a jaeger bomb in a teetotaller's face.

3.) 'You know, I wish I could be like you and not drink.'

This one's a bit tricky, as I understand that it is well-intentioned. Drinkers sometimes start to regret their booze-fuelled mishaps a bit too much, so they cite their non-drinking friends as their inspiration and talk about how they have 'massive respect' for us. The only thing is, my soberness is not an attempt to impress you or a reason for me to think that I am better than you... I just really don't enjoy the taste of alcohol.

4.) 'How do you have fun on a night out/I just don't know how you do it?'

The idea that a night out can only be enjoyed if you're off your face is a bit of a sad one to me. Yes, a lot of the funny stories within my friendship group are about nights out where someone had one VK too many, but I've also had plenty of awkward moments and funny stories being the sober one in the club. I enjoy my nights out because I'm with my friends, listening to awful (and by that, I mean great) house music and because the night normally ends with a portion of cheesy chips. I just personally don't want or need alcohol to enjoy myself, but I also don't care that other people do.

5.) 'Aren't we really annoying to you when we're drunk?'

This oft-asked question leads on perfectly from number four. Yes, there are plenty of annoying types of dunk people. The ones that cry without any reason for doing so, the ones that get weirdly aggressive and the ones that seem to only seek out people who are already in relationships for their next game of tonsil tennis. However, for me personally, the idea of someone being drunk isn't annoying. I have a lot of fun with my friends when they're drunk and even more fun telling them all the stupid stuff they did the next day (sorry pals). So no, I don't find 'drunk' you annoying, but the same can't be said about my feelings for your dull questions.

6.) 'Mate, you must be a millionaire!'

The only suitable response to this is 'I bloody wish.' Yes, as a sober person, funnily enough, I spend far less on booze than my friends who drink. But I still pay for entry, (non-alcoholic) drinks, the food after and the potential taxi ride home. Also, I'm a student, it's a scientific fact that I'm supposed to be perpetually broke and that despite my valiant efforts to not spend, I will remain poor for the rest of my studying days (and probably long after, am I right Conservatives?)

7.) 'So do you just drink tea then?'

Finally, we come to the stupidest assumption of them all. I'm actually one of that rare breed that doesn't drink alcohol or tea or coffee. By this point, I must sound like some Gwyneth Paltrow type who only eats macrobiotic lentils (trust me, this is not the case.) Anyway, teetotal doesn't refer to someone who solely drinks tea, but someone who is sober... so get educated you philistine.