THE BLOG

Seven Reasons Why 'Splash!' Is Great

07/01/2014 17:06 GMT | Updated 09/03/2014 09:59 GMT

The second series of Splash! returned at just the right time on Saturday. As storms braced Britain, the nation curled up on the sofa to watch former EastEnders actor Ricky Groves, the little one from dance troupe Diversity, every thirtysomething's first crush, presenter Michaela Strachan, Hollyoaks brainbox Gemma Merna and TOWIE's Gemma Collins take on their most terrifying reality TV challenge yet.

Following a press assault after the first episode of a second series, here are seven reasons why you should, along with four million other people (isn't that more than watch the news?), be comfortable being outed as a fan of Splash...

1. Just like Dancing on Ice, it brings a minority sport into the hearts and minds of a broader audience - if that isn't the Olympic Legacy in action, what is?

2. Why shouldn't jumping off a three metre board when you're scared of heights, water and runny fake tan be bravery? Bravery is relative - you shouldn't have to jump out of a plane without a parachute to be classed as brave. After all, we are the country that admonished MPs for corruption who falsely claimed for a pack of digestives whilst amusing ourselves with far greater levels of corruption elsewhere in the world... We take pride in being consistently inconsistent. I have learnt far more about the strength of the human will through Gemma's Everest moment, the three metre board, than I ever will by watching Bear Grylls drink his own piss through a thrice worn sock.

3. It acts as a sort of Saturday night Gulag for a swathe of unwanted reality TV celebs. If they are all in the one place at the one time you have your pick of any of the other channels.

4. Tom Daley represents much of what is good about young people in this country. Let's give him an expensive leg up the career ladder. Episode one of Series two was notable for the larger quantity of time he spent fully clothed (better for future career respectability) but also for an extraordinary act of body contortion in fitting into a pair of children's speedos (great for the 2014 Calendar Sales).

We spent £1bn on the Millennium Dome and we're still not sure whether it was a White Elephant. This is a much cheaper, and more worthwhile.

5. The most memorable contestants on Strictly have been John Sergeant, Russell Grant, Ann Widdecombe and alike... Why? Because either we love a trier or our innate, national inclination toward schadenfreude. Splash is so totally devoid of quality that it satisfies both.

6. We have a long track record of liking things that are a little bit rubbish - the Weather, Eddie the Eagle, Crocs, British Leyland, the Tube, the Cube, Eurovision... Splash can be added to this list of national treasures - along with the emergence of Synchronised Swimming - or Water Ballet as it will become more widely known. I cannot be the only one thinking that Brockwell Lido would be significantly enhanced with a surprise Splash Mob...

7. I wouldn't sleep with someone I had said was ugly five minutes before. I'm going to watch it, and I'm going to enjoy it - why should I have to lie to maintain my public integrity...