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Ellen Arnison

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Going to High School: Don't Cry Mummy

Posted: 23/08/11 23:43 BST

Back to school tomorrow and I've just put the kids to bed. The packed lunches are made, the bags packed and names written on things in indelible marker.

Boy One will become a high school pupil tomorrow. The first day of the next stage of his academic career. He says he's looking forward to it, but non-stop talking for the past few days suggests he's feeling a little anxious too.

We've made all the preparations we can. There have been numerous visits to school - on one occasion he and I even had lunch in the canteen.

Outreach staff from the fabulous autistic unit have made plans, discussed his needs and gone far more than the extra mile. We've had meetings and assessments, phone calls and teaching sessions.

A new bag has been bought, trousers, shirts, scientific calculator and my husband has patiently given tie-tying lessons.

He's as ready as he'll ever be...

I'm not though. I've been a study in not thinking about it for the past few weeks. Now I'm having a go at pulling myself together. I'm sure I wasn't this bad when he started primary school.

Is it because high school is when you start to let your baby go off into the big bad world? Might be. At least at primary, I could probably have marched into school at any time and got him, indeed, on at least one occasion I did pick him up and carry him out. Not at high school though. I doubt I could even find him.

Perhaps because he's going to meet challenges and situations I can't really help him with? Might be that too. We've talked over getting lost, angry teachers, bullies, not liking French, whether or not there will be an origami club. But then I realise I can't think of everything that needs to be discussed. Today he found me in the kitchen and asked: "Do I wear one of the polo shirts with my tie or one of the smart shirts?"

It didn't even cross my mind that he wouldn't know this. What else have I missed?

I tucked him in tonight and he said: "You won't cry tomorrow mum, will you?"
"I'll try not to."
"No, you won't. Promise. You won't."
"OK I promise."

And I kissed him on the forehead as he snuggled down his head on the pillow next to the orange cuddly monkey he's had since he was a baby.

This was written last week, the day before my 11-year-old son, who has Asperger's Syndrome, started high school.

 

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08:38 PM on 09/16/2011
Great post! I share your anxiety. We get so focused on 'filling in the gaps" for our "aspy" children....

My son started school this week. We - parents, therapists, schools, sitters- "primed" him for months. We live in Spain and kids here start school at 3. We chose keep him out for a year because he'd just been diagnosed. We didn't know what we were dealing with.

Fast forward a year. My sweet boy, so full of trepidation, walks slowly to the front door. I said the only thing I could think of at the moment, choking up, I said: "remember what Christopher Robin told Winnie the Pooh: You're smarter than you know and stronger than you seem and I will always be with you". With that he said, "bye mom, love you" and was gone.

Now, I'd planned this transition to school with military-precision. Everyone was over-prepared for the big day. The one thing I hadn't counted on is that it would actually be.... fine. Just fine. I didn’t dare hope he’d get to school THAT FIRST DAY and love it! We'd planned on months of persuasion and coercion, months of 'rewards' and buckets of tears.

My son had a fantastic time on his first day of school- and has every day there after.

And I learned this: My 4 year old son, who reads and writes, can add and subtract, is both funny and infuriating has way more 'gaps" covered than I thought.
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Ellen Arnison
12:45 PM on 09/26/2011
Thanks for the comment.
I'm glad your boy has fewer gaps than you thought. And, in any case, the gaps are never where we anticipate they'll be.
02:06 PM on 09/06/2011
First day at high school can be quite an ordeal for a child with Asperger's Syndrome. Even with the best planning it is difficult to cover everything. It is essential that the school is 'on-side' because even the slightest problem can escalate quicky.

I hope your son had a good first week.
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Ellen Arnison
12:46 PM on 09/26/2011
Thanks for your comment.
A couple of weeks on and he's doing really well. Much better than I hoped, I'm very proud of him.