I've been 25 for one month and one day and already I am quite sure it is the worst age ever.
Don't believe me? Take a look at these 25 highly valid reasons why. Yup, that's one for every sorry year of your life.
1. You know that thing that's been keeping you awake at night? That's the impending sense of your own mortality. Sucks right?
2. If, for whatever (yet clearly disjointed) reason, you decide to audition for X Factor you will be grouped into the disparagingly named 'overs' category.
3. Britney Spears was 25 when she lost the plot and shaved off all her hair. Enough said.
4. You still get spots. And they come with an appetising side of wrinkles.
5. If you're still intent in continuing with the detailed life plan you laid out for yourself when you were 15 you better find a man willing to marry you. Now.
6. If you're still intent in continuing with the detailed life plan you laid out for yourself when you were 15 you only have two years left until you have a baby. Artificial insemination may be your best bet.
7. You still get ID'd, but the youths (yes, that's how you refer to young people now you're 25) badgering you to buy alcohol for them call you 'missus' or 'lady'. You might as well call up Co-operative funeral care now.
8. Night cream is now a thing you have to buy. It's expensive.
9. It's about time you got to grips with taxation.
10. All the fish (sorry boys, sorry men) in your Tinder pool are losing their hair.
11. Your young person's rail card is about to expire, no more last minute jaunts to Newcastle-Under-Lyme.
12. Your overdraft is no longer free.
13. You've been out of uni longer than you were ever there.
14. It is no longer acceptable to refer to people by school years, even though it is the easiest way to establish whether you and your new acquaintances can ever be friends. 'Oh you were born in 1990. So that means you were in the year below me... I'm afraid I have to end this conversation now. Bye.'
15. You get practical presents for Christmas. On the plus side, you can never have too many measuring jugs.
16. You spend your birthday at work, and you're expected to bring in your own cake.
17. Following on from point 16, people stop buying you birthday presents.
18. Your eyes aren't what they used to be. What's worse? You start saying things like, 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'.
19. You need to start seriously considering maybe thinking about your pension options.
20. 'Credit rating? Do Tesco Club Card points count?'
21. All your friends are buying houses (get real, studio flats over chicken shops). You don't even have a savings account.
22. There are adults younger than you.
23. You're going to be 26 in less than 12 months.
24. You're closer to 30 than 20.
25. Odd numbers are rubbish because science says so. This year Marisca Milikowski of the University of Amsterdam set up an experiment in which participants were shown all the numbers between one and 100 and asked to rank each number on a scale between good and bad.
Her results showed that, in general, even numbers are seen as good, and odd numbers bad. Point proven, you could probably discount the other 24 reasons I came up with and go with that one alone.Suggest a correction