FAO Typical Bloke,

I am fresh from accidentally reading your post, 'Why Good Girls Have Become As Extinct As Unicorns' on fashxfash. I have a few points of consideration for you.

Firstly, 'bad girls' get detention at school. The people you're talking about in this instance are consenting...

My little sister lives in Paris. She Whatsapped me this evening to tell me that today, she was hit in the street by a boy she doesn't know.

I am extraordinarily protective of my sister and always will be. If anyone says a bad word about her, I get up...

It is 1am. I've just walked home alone from the train station nearest to my house.

On my way home, three men approached me.

- The first walked parallel to me from the station to the pedestrian crossing. He asked me if I would like any company. I ignored him,...

I've just read Andrew M. Brown's article Women's judo: it's disturbing to watch these girls beat each other up on the Telegraph Online. Brown only gives us a couple of paragraphs, but never have two paragraphs made me want to tear my own eyes out more.

Here we...

Bank Holiday Sunday. I got in from a hideously hungover day at work and cooked an enormous pepperoni pizza. I KNEW, I just KNEW I was going to eat it all. It was one of those days. So to 'level things out' I added a bit of avocado and a...

This is going to sound really schmaltzy and make loads of people hate me. It's OK. I don't mind. I hate myself a bit for it too, mainly because it's so cheesy that I can almost smell the Primula radiating from my pores as I type it, but here we...

There was a time when you couldn't be a celebrity because of your breasts. Actually, in those days, it wasn't called 'being a celebrity' - if you were talented enough to be famous, you were a star. I'm not saying that Marilyn Monroe's breasts weren't extremely helpful on her road...

Hello, you petty criminal, you,

I moved down here in 2008, and I've been lucky. I've only been robbed twice. At uni, I always had the most terrible phone. I'd go on nights out, and all of my friends would be robbed blind - iPhones, Blackberries, GONE - and somehow,...

There are a lot of things you have to get over before you start watching ITV's Take Me Out. Before you come to realise that it is the best thing to happen to dating shows since Cilla Black, you have to understand, and furthermore, accept, that it is...

Here's a fantastic statistic for you. At Sainsburys, you can buy five custard donuts for sixty pence. Five donuts. Five. For sixty pence. That's a grand total of 12 pence per donut. Just one of these five donuts contains 234 calories, which, as a woman, is more than a tenth...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I'm probably right: Lily Allen is one of the most mindlessly mean celebrities of all time. This was first brought to my attention a few years ago when she wrote a song that namechecked Cheryl Cole (then Tweedy) and called it Cheryl...

Following on from my point on festive disappointment, I come to yet another yuletide mind boggler, namely the distinct lack of Christmas sympathy (Schrimpathy) in circulation at The Most Wonderful Time of the Year. I'm not talking about the obvious stuff - of course, we all feel terrible that there...

What is it about the festive period that makes everyone so ridiculously militant? Is it the fact that Movember just happens to be the month before, and so everyone's already bang on the dictator chic vibe, sporting more facial hair than Stalin and constructing Christmas ideals to match? Or is...

There is a worrying development in the Sepp Blatter racism scandal that it appears only I have noticed.

He seems to be attempting to have a laugh at the expense of everyone he recently offended, the wording of his public apology being the case in point. But it's...

As we all now know, it doesn't matter how hard you worked at university; how clever you are, how much you desperately want to be able to pay your own way. For a considerable amount of time post-education, you will be expected to work for free. ...

As a child in a north-eastern town, you soon learn a very important lesson. No matter what you do, or where you go, people will always associate you with the Geordie idiots who somehow manage to worm their way onto the TV.

That's right. You, I, we, will always be...

I'm not going to lie to you. For a long time now, I've been thinking... I have a problem. There's no coming back from it. It's hereditary and I just have to try and get on with it as best I can. I was born with an unfortunate predisposition towards......

'Can we all take a minute,' I slurred at 4 o'clock on Sunday morning, 'to raise a glass,' I lifted my commemorative Royal Wedding mug, 'to Beyoncé and Jay-Z,' took a drink, 'and their bump.'

'No,' my friend Marlee replied, staunchly leaving her drink on the side.

I was phoneless...

On Monday in Dalston, shoppers at Sainsburys were evacuated in the middle of the afternoon as the Kingsland Shopping Centre shut its early doors; by dusk, a bank's windows had been unashamedly smashed, and as darkness fell, a bus was set alight on Shacklewell Lane. As I walked to my...