Emily-Jane Clark
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I am a freelance journalist and a mother of two little girls – one lively toddler and a baby who will not go the f**k to sleep.

If you are looking for advice on how to have a contented baby or what to expect when you are expecting, then DO NOT read Surviving a Sleep Thief- the antithesis to baby sleep advice..

However, for some inspiration during those days where you cannot face leaving the house and an honest insight into a seriously sleep-deprived mind, or if you are searching for the answers to these questions; How To Get Your Baby To Go Sleep and Stay Asleep When They Do Not Want To Be Asleep? or How To Lose Friends and Irritate People (when you have babies)? then it may be worth a look.

Before I began banging on about babies, I worked as a journalist for a wide range of newspapers, magazines, websites and business publications. I wrote about everything from health issues and travel to wheelie bins and music. I also got to interview many famous(ish) people including Phil Mitchell, Chesney Hawkes (three times, lucky me) and Poirot.

In addition to this, I am also a scriptwriter and I have worked in PR, marketing, web management and as a holiday park Red Coat in a past life.

My blog posts have been featured as Mumsnet Blog of the Day and on Parentdish. I also write for www.babysleep.org.uk.

Feel free to check out www.stolensleep.com or follow me on www.facebook.com/emilyjaneandtheyearsofstolensleep or on Twitter @stolensleep

Entries by Emily-Jane Clark

The A to Z of Sleep-Deprived Parenting

(0) Comments | Posted 1 May 2015 | (10:02)

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A glossary of parenting terms you won't find in the baby books...

Arm Roll & Release: The nerve-wracking manoeuvre used by parents in order to remove their arm from under a sleeping baby.

Booby-trapped: Term used to describe being stuck...

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Eight Ways to Annoy a New Mum

(5) Comments | Posted 16 April 2015 | (00:00)

You have just pushed a small human out of you, you haven't slept in days, you are sore, your boobs hurt and your hormones are all over the place.

Yet, people feel this would be a good time to come and visit you and your new baby.

No,...

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Why Pyjamas Are the New Skinny Jeans

(2) Comments | Posted 14 April 2015 | (09:36)

2015-04-14-1428998776-4877651-11061257_10155482053015002_623516223063840791_o.jpg We are told baby-weight is bad.

We are inundated with pictures of celebrity mums 'stepping out looking fabulous just three weeks after giving birth'!

We have images of perfect post-baby women in all their air-brushed glory shoved in our faces every...

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Ten Ways to Get Women to Like You (When You Are a Woman)

(0) Comments | Posted 11 March 2015 | (23:00)

I agree with Dolly Parton. Sometimes it is hard to be a woman...

Not because of sexism or period pains (although those things are really annoying).

But because of other women.

Not all women. Most women totally rock. But some, quite frankly, need to chill the hell out.

It seems...

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How to Have Sex When You Have Babies

(1) Comments | Posted 22 February 2015 | (23:00)

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When you have babies it can be a challenge to find the time (or energy) for any postnatal 'romance' with your partner. After all, you are too busy trying to deal with postnatal everything else...

But do not...

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How Not to Punch People When You Have a Baby Who Does Not Sleep

(37) Comments | Posted 29 January 2015 | (11:54)

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Why is it that when you have a baby who does not sleep everyone else you meet seems to have a baby who does sleep?

Don't get me wrong. I think it is great. I am honestly happy for...

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Why the HELL Is My Baby Not Doing This Yet?

(0) Comments | Posted 27 October 2014 | (09:29)

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When I came home from hospital with my first baby I became obsessed with everything being 'normal.' Is what my baby doing normal? Am I normal? Is this normal, is that normal?

Therefore, I did everything I could to...

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How to Get Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night (In Just TWO Years)

(0) Comments | Posted 29 September 2014 | (16:46)

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Spend the first six months of parenthood in your pyjamas trying to get your baby to sleep, trying to get some sleep and trying to get stuff done on barely any sleep.

Establish a good bedtime...

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How to Survive 'Two Under Two' When You Are a Princess

(10) Comments | Posted 13 September 2014 | (14:47)

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IT has finally been revealed that Kate Middleton is pregnant with her second child...and she is being sick a lot.

This is great news for the media (the pregnancy not the sickness), because there are only so many times...

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7 Reasons the Beach Is Rubbish (According to My Babies)

(0) Comments | Posted 22 August 2014 | (11:59)

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WE walked to the beach singing, "Oh I do like to be beside the seaside." The baby was smiling in her pram as the toddler skipped along beside her. She spotted the sea, grabbed her bucket and ran down to...

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Five Things That Will NOT Help Your Child Do Well at School

(0) Comments | Posted 20 August 2014 | (10:27)

It's fast-approaching that time of year when many parents will be preparing to send their little ones off to school or pre-school for the very first time...

When I say preparing, I mean, lying awake at night worrying about the best way to get your child ready for this important...

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How to Survive When Your Baby Won't Go the F**k to Sleep

(4) Comments | Posted 24 July 2014 | (00:00)

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1. Just so you know, you are probably going to get fat, have heart disease, anxiety and depression... There, now you don't have to waste time googling the adverse effects of sleep-deprivation in the middle of the night. You're...

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Why You Should Never Go to Waitrose When You Have Babies

(0) Comments | Posted 29 June 2014 | (15:16)

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After almost three years of very little sleep I have gone beyond tired.

In fact, some days I don't even feel sleepy any more.

So I think I am ok.

"I feel fine," I smile...

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Nine Ways NOT to Get Your Baby to Go to Sleep

(2) Comments | Posted 1 June 2014 | (20:19)

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My first baby did not like to sleep.

My second baby does not like to sleep.

The first time around we tried everything. The second time around we tried everything else.

Turns out everything and everything else...

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Three Things I Am Glad My Mother Never Taught Me

(3) Comments | Posted 27 May 2014 | (00:00)

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My mother never really wore make up when I was a child. She didn't spend hours in the morning putting her face on, straightening her hair or painting her nails.

She never French plaited my...

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How NOT To Kill Your Partner When You Have Babies

(0) Comments | Posted 5 May 2014 | (00:00)

Expecting your first child is an exciting time in a relationship (when I say an exciting time. Exciting for you and your partner - boring as hell for everyone else).

"We are going to be actual grown up parents," you exclaim, waving around a urine-covered stick, "to a...

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Seven Reasons Why Date Nights Are Not Worth the Effort

(1) Comments | Posted 22 April 2014 | (00:00)

According to the experts, when you have children regular date nights with your partner are the key to a successful relationship.

Forget communication, mutual love and respect or not marrying a dick; apparently the secret to a happy and healthy relationship is to go on a date. At flipping...

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Woman Has Flat Stomach Now There Is No Baby Inside It (How to Lose Your Baby Weight Without Even Trying)

(0) Comments | Posted 2 April 2014 | (19:49)

2014-04-02-bw1.jpgANOTHER week, another celebrity is pictured 'stepping out' looking fabulous just three months/weeks/days/hours after giving birth...

I am never surprised by this 'news'.

I am usually more surprised that, with a newborn baby to look after, they actually have the energy...

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