Emily-Jane Clark
I am a freelance journalist and a mother of two little girls – one lively toddler and a baby who will not go the f**k to sleep.

If you are looking for advice on how to have a contented baby or what to expect when you are expecting, then DO NOT read Surviving a Sleep Thief- the antithesis to baby sleep advice..

However, for some inspiration during those days where you cannot face leaving the house and an honest insight into a seriously sleep-deprived mind, or if you are searching for the answers to these questions; How To Get Your Baby To Go Sleep and Stay Asleep When They Do Not Want To Be Asleep? or How To Lose Friends and Irritate People (when you have babies)? then it may be worth a look.

Before I began banging on about babies, I worked as a journalist for a wide range of newspapers, magazines, websites and business publications. I wrote about everything from health issues and travel to wheelie bins and music. I also got to interview many famous(ish) people including Phil Mitchell, Chesney Hawkes (three times, lucky me) and Poirot.

In addition to this, I am also a scriptwriter and I have worked in PR, marketing, web management and as a holiday park Red Coat in a past life.

My blog posts have been featured as Mumsnet Blog of the Day and on Parentdish. I also write for www.babysleep.org.uk.

Feel free to check out www.stolensleep.com or follow me on www.facebook.com/emilyjaneandtheyearsofstolensleep or on Twitter @stolensleep

Entries by Emily-Jane Clark

When Depression Wants You Back

(6) Comments | Posted 21 May 2016 | (00:00)

2016-05-20-1463738660-8163622-ohshit.jpgI have this old friend.

She occasionally turns up at my door, totally out of the blue. I don't see much of her any more but when she is here, it's like she has never been away.

We met shortly after the...

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10 Ways to Avoid Doing the School Run in Your Pyjamas

(4) Comments | Posted 3 February 2016 | (23:00)

A head teacher in Darlington sparked a national debate last week after writing to parents to request they stop doing the school run in their pyjamas

As a mother of two young children, I know how hard it can be to get everybody up and out of...

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26 Lies Tired Parents Tell

(7) Comments | Posted 23 October 2015 | (00:00)

2015-10-21-1445420326-3032795-LIES.jpgI have a confession to make.

Since having babies I have told a few lies.

I am not proud of myself, but sometimes lying (and coffee, so much coffee) is the only way to survive. The truth would simply hurt too much...

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Is 'Expert' Parenting Advice Killing Our Common Sense?

(10) Comments | Posted 2 October 2015 | (00:00)

'SIXTEEN hours they say she needs! What am I doing wrong?' Is she hungry? Is she teething? Is she eating her teeth!? Is she too hot, too cold? Is she in pain? Is she an alien? What does my baby...

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The Baby Who Did Not Want to Fall Asleep

(0) Comments | Posted 21 August 2015 | (09:23)

Best selling book The Rabbit Who Wants To Fall Asleep promises to get children to sleep in MINUTES... After reading it to my children I was inspired to write my own bed time story for the little ones...

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Have You Been Doing Bedtime Wrong Your Whole Life?

(1) Comments | Posted 22 July 2015 | (00:00)

2015-07-20-1437388867-1357711-bedtime1.jpgDo you hate bedtime? Does it consistently make you miserable?

Do you routinely spend most of the night in a dark room with a baby?

Have you been consistently routining your arse off since day ONE, yet your baby STILL won't...

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How to Survive Parenthood When You Are a Human

(0) Comments | Posted 27 June 2015 | (00:00)

2015-06-26-1435322511-2341388-human2.jpgThis morning I was the victim of an assault.

In a totally unprovoked attack my two-year-old whacked me in the face with her sippy cup.
And then she laughed.

So I called her a little arsehole and then I necked a...

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Bore Off About Breastfeeding

(13) Comments | Posted 11 June 2015 | (00:00)

I am so bored of breastfeeding.

You can't switch on the Internet these days without having a pair of big, milky boobs shoved in your face.

The media is obsessed with lactating females. If we are not reading about the latest superpower to be discovered in breast milk we are...

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Why a Mum's Coffee Is Always Cold

(1) Comments | Posted 28 May 2015 | (17:08)

When you have children it is inevitable that you will have to make a few sacrifices.

Long, uninterrupted showers and going to the toilet alone become a thing of the past. But undoubtedly the most sorely missed - is the luxury of drinking a hot beverage.

You know...

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Confessions of a 'Terrible' Mother

(5) Comments | Posted 16 May 2015 | (00:00)

It is inevitable you will go a little mad when you have your first baby. From the moment they arrive your whole world is turned upside down. You are tired, physically uncomfortable and trying to keep a tiny human in...

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The A to Z of Sleep-Deprived Parenting

(0) Comments | Posted 1 May 2015 | (10:02)

A glossary of parenting terms you won't find in the baby books...

Arm Roll & Release: The nerve-wracking manoeuvre used by parents in order to remove their arm from under a sleeping baby.

Booby-trapped: Term used to describe being stuck...

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Eight Ways to Annoy a New Mum

(5) Comments | Posted 16 April 2015 | (00:00)

You have just pushed a small human out of you, you haven't slept in days, you are sore, your boobs hurt and your hormones are all over the place.

Yet, people feel this would be a good time to come and visit you and your new baby.


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Why Pyjamas Are the New Skinny Jeans

(2) Comments | Posted 14 April 2015 | (09:36)

2015-04-14-1428998776-4877651-11061257_10155482053015002_623516223063840791_o.jpg We are told baby-weight is bad.

We are inundated with pictures of celebrity mums 'stepping out looking fabulous just three weeks after giving birth'!

We have images of perfect post-baby women in all their air-brushed glory shoved in our faces every...

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Ten Ways to Get Women to Like You (When You Are a Woman)

(0) Comments | Posted 11 March 2015 | (23:00)

I agree with Dolly Parton. Sometimes it is hard to be a woman...

Not because of sexism or period pains (although those things are really annoying).

But because of other women.

Not all women. Most women totally rock. But some, quite frankly, need to chill the hell out.

It seems...

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How to Have Sex When You Have Babies

(1) Comments | Posted 22 February 2015 | (23:00)

When you have babies it can be a challenge to find the time (or energy) for any postnatal 'romance' with your partner. After all, you are too busy trying to deal with postnatal everything else...

But do not...

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How Not to Punch People When You Have a Baby Who Does Not Sleep

(37) Comments | Posted 29 January 2015 | (11:54)

Why is it that when you have a baby who does not sleep everyone else you meet seems to have a baby who does sleep?

Don't get me wrong. I think it is great. I am honestly happy for...

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Why the HELL Is My Baby Not Doing This Yet?

(0) Comments | Posted 27 October 2014 | (09:29)

When I came home from hospital with my first baby I became obsessed with everything being 'normal.' Is what my baby doing normal? Am I normal? Is this normal, is that normal?

Therefore, I did everything I could to...

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How to Get Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night (In Just TWO Years)

(0) Comments | Posted 29 September 2014 | (16:46)

Spend the first six months of parenthood in your pyjamas trying to get your baby to sleep, trying to get some sleep and trying to get stuff done on barely any sleep.

Establish a good bedtime...

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How to Survive 'Two Under Two' When You Are a Princess

(8) Comments | Posted 13 September 2014 | (14:47)


IT has finally been revealed that Kate Middleton is pregnant with her second child...and she is being sick a lot.

This is great news for the media (the pregnancy not the sickness), because there are only so many times...

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7 Reasons the Beach Is Rubbish (According to My Babies)

(0) Comments | Posted 22 August 2014 | (11:59)

WE walked to the beach singing, "Oh I do like to be beside the seaside." The baby was smiling in her pram as the toddler skipped along beside her. She spotted the sea, grabbed her bucket and ran down to...

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