This week was the first time it rained on my daughters school run. She has just started reception and to be honest? I wasn't ready. I am a rooky. It beat me. It made me crumble, have a little weep and taught me some valuable life lessons which I will share with you now. Ignore them at your peril...
1) When it looks like it is going to be sunny at 8am. Don't forget that the British weather is a total arsehole that can change into horrific storm like weather without you noticing (you may have been distracted by Twitter).
2) Do not aim to leave the house at 8:38am when you need to walk there by 8:45am. A ten minute journey is NEVER going to be done in seven minutes unless you are Marty McFly.
3) Try not to lose the rain cover for the buggy. Even though at one point you thought "As if I am ever going to need that under the buggy. I want to fill it with crap I have brought from Poundland!". You will need it. This my friends is a promise.
4) Be warned that when you don't have a rain cover on the buggy. People will look at you like you are an evil parent who wishes their little boy to get soaked. Like you actively encouraged the rain. Just to torment him.
5) If as you put your 'Mum' coat on you think to yourself "Oh now, I'm not actually sure this is waterproof?". You are right. It is in no way shape or form waterproof. In fact it appears to be some weird water soaking in garment. Much like a coat made of really posh and clever kitchen roll.
6) The boots you brought three years ago which still do the job in the gorgeous fresh, frosty, Autumn air are totally SH*T in the pouring down rain #hole.
7) Kids are utter maniacs and love rain. Your ten minute journey that needs to be done in seven minutes now is taking fifteen minutes. Remember the golden rule. The more you shout "Hurry UP!" the slower they go.
8) Peppa Pig loves muddy puddles. So your children love muddle puddles (if she started eating turds one worries what the next new food craze would be). Brand new rip off shiny flashing Clarks shoes? Do not love muddy puddles.
9) Other non buggy people have the worlds biggest brollys. They enjoy ramming them into your sodden, make up smeared, sad face. Whilst rushing past and saying "Sooorrrrry!" as they smugly look down at their snazzy, dry and trendy coat.
10) The rain will stop. The minute you get home.
This afternoon we are going out to get my girl a new brolly, me a really nice (this is not possible) waterproof coat and I am going to hunt out the buggy cover. And you know what? It will start to snow in the morning and then? Well we really will be screwed.