12 Telltale Signs That You're The Parent Of A Toddler

Recognise these classic moments of toddler ownership?

17/03/2017 09:32 | Updated 6 days ago

If any of these sound strikingly familiar, you must be  the parent of a toddler...

  • 1 Bags that
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    You crave a bijou bag. Yours is full of wet wipes, rice cakes, sticks, not-that-interesting stones, all liberally coated in glitter.
  • 2 Tidy up time
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    Your home is submerged in a tide of multi-coloured plastic. You have a particular hatred for the basket of plastic cut fruit with Velcro sides that need to be matched up and Mr Potato Head.
  • 3 Mine!
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    You take immense pleasure in spooning the chocolate off your own cappuccino on those rare occasions you're in a cafe solo.
  • 4 Song time
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    You know all the words and hand gestures and no longer have any embarrassment singing The Wheels On The Bus with gusto while on the bus. You're entertaining a toddler, for goodness sake.
  • 5 Cringe
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    You've been known to ask bemused work mates if they need to go to the loo.
  • 6 Sleep? What sleep?
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    In theory, you're getting lots of sleep. In reality, you're not. Whether it's late teeth coming through, night terrors or just being woken at 5.30 every morning by little hands prising your eyes open and proudly announcing "I done a poo."
  • 7 Let me think
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    You realise you know nothing. "What dat mummy?" and "Why?" have the power to confound. What exactly does a pylon do? Why is the sky blue? At this rate you'll be redundant by the time they're four and can hand over all information-giving to Google.
  • 8 Genius
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    But you do know the difference between a dump truck and a front loader! Oh yes, indeed. 
  • 9 My baby
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    You give parents carrying portable, sleeping babies in slings nostalgic/embarrassed smiles as you press your own loudly protesting child into the buggy. Unless you have a baby too, in which case both baby and toddler may be wailing while everyone else gives you sympathetic smiles (while secretly willing you to go).
  • 10 Distraction techniques
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    You are a master of distraction. "Ohh, look at the...." while fastening buggy/jamming hat on. "Let's have a special treat" while frantically racking your brain for a treat that's not a half eaten rice cake or the chance to hold your bus pass. Then there is always blowing raspberries, making faces, tickling and doing silly dances. Sophisticated, you are not.
  • 11 Fun times
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    You relish your toddler's company - their sense of adventure, laughter, chatter and mispronunciations. Who needs to stay up for a rom com, when the word 'lellow' can melt your heart. 
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