COMEDY

Article 50: The 7 Bestest Best Reasons For Leaving The EU

Bloody European fruit, coming over here and not bending to our will.

29/03/2017 09:28 | Updated 29 March 2017

Brace yourselves, Brexit is coming.

So what better time to look back on seven of the finest arguments for leaving the EU.

7) WE CAN STOP THE MUSLIMS COMING IN!

Bloody African countries, coming over here and ruining our maps.

In the immediate aftermath of the referendum result, Channel 4 News spoke to one Leave voter in Bradford.

He said: “It’s all about immigration. It’s not about trade or Europe or anything like that, it’s all about immigration.

“It’s to stop Muslims coming into this country. Simple as that.”

Journalist Ciaran Jenkins asked him: “Do you think you voted to leave the EU to stop Muslims coming to the country?”

The man replies: “To stop immigration. The movement of people in Europe, fair enough but not from Africa, Syria, Iraq or anywhere else.”

Congratulations Bradford man, you’ve won a map - it’ll blow your mind.

Marko Djurica / Reuters

6) OUR BANANAS CAN BE BENDY AGAIN!

Bloody European fruit, coming over here and not bending to our will.
Over the past year or so, the BBC’s Question Time has proved a rich seam of incredible input from members of the public and their reasons for voting Leave.
This lady who appeared in February of this year was one of the best.
As the camera swung in her direction to give her a glorious spotlight in front of the entire nation, she said: “I was voting Remain and at the very last minute I changed my decision and I went to Leave. 
“The reason because of that is because I go to the supermarket and a banana is straight. 
“I’m just sick of the silly rules that come out of Europe.”

Quite.

5) WE CAN LOOK AFTER OUR OWN AT LAST!

Bloody foreigners, coming over here and making us fall in love with them.

A common refrain from Leave voters was that Britain should “look after our own” before those from farther afield than our green and pleasant land.

Take this gent for example...

 

He said: “I’m sick of people saying we can’t use the word ‘foreigner’ about people that have come here. My wife is Russian, she’s a foreigner, but she’s my wife and I’m proud of her.”

Dimbleby pressed him: “So you’d like to see a guarantee [of residency] given?”

He responded: “No, I want England to look after its own first.”

4) ENGLISH LANGUAGE-ONLY PLAYGROUNDS!

Bloody kids, coming over here and scaring us with their words.

One chap in the QT audience last December - a primary school teacher - was challenged by writer Laurie Penny over his comments about integration.

She said: “I understand that it hurts to hear people say ‘that’s racist’, ‘that’s xenophobic’, but do you know what also hurts? To be a victim of racism, to be a victim of anti-immigration.

“I want to know from you sir, what it is about listening to people speak a different language in the playground that makes you uncomfortable and how you think that connects to the fact that you can’t get a doctor’s appointment because the NHS is a crisis that is nothing to do with that?”

He replied: “There’s various different accents and languages you hear but what you do find is it fires up different parents and all of a sudden, the parents are complaining, and then children, who weren’t aware really of where different children came from, all of a sudden are becoming quite divisive because the parents are becoming divisive.

“Unfortunately when people come en masse, they don’t want to integrate with everybody else because they’ve got their own little communities and that’s what’ we’re finding in school playgrounds.”

3) WE CAN GO BACK TO OUR WONDERFUL COLONIALIST WAYS!
Bloody EU, stopping us subjugating other countries.
Ah, the good old days - when if you wanted a trade deal with another country you didn’t have to deal with any of this EU nonsense, you just sent in the army and took what you like.
Forgetting the the small matter of our entire country’s history, this woman said: “I think we’ll only get true democracy when we get out of the EU. For thousands of years Britain has ruled in a wonderful way, we’ve been a light to the world.”
Excuse me ma’am, the Zulus, Mau Maus and 19th century India want a word.
2) BRITAIN CAN BE BRITAIN AGAIN! 
Bloody Britain, coming over here and not being Britain.
This lady was very clear what she wanted from Brexit.
She said: “I want my country back and I want freedom.

“I don’t believe our country is free anymore. You only have to look at the European Union and what’s going off there.

“I want my country back. I want Britain to be Britain. We’re all just so frustrated with all this rubbish we’re hearing.”

Frustrated. Rubbish.

Indeed.

1) HANG ON A SEC!

Bloody democracy, coming over here and working as it should.

And finally we reach our number one spot which requires no additional comment.

Here are some additional comments.

Happy Brexit Day Everyone.

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