A black woman has written an open letter to demand men stop trying to “tick having sex with a black woman off their bucket list” – as she claims they “fetishise” her race.
Filomena Kaguako joined Plenty of Fish to find “something serious” but has now been forced to delete the app after discovering that the majority of men had other intentions.
The 27-year-old claims the majority of men commented on her race within five minutes of speaking to her and that they “unjustly exotified” her body because it was black, which they saw as “new”.
The blogger and businesswoman claims Irish men especially “fetishise” black women because interracial relationships are not as common in Ireland as they are elsewhere and hopes the open letter and video she’s shared on social media will educate them.
Kaguako, from Drogheda, Ireland, said: “I have been in Ireland for 18 years and I’ve been trying to find men who don’t look at me and just see the fact I’m black. I want them to look at me as a whole person.
“I’ve noticed that Irish men fetishise black women. I think this is because in Ireland interracial relationships aren’t as common as other places.
“You would think we could be a bit more progressive.
“If you go to London or New York, it’s really common to see people of different races coming together.
“I shouldn’t really be making excuses for it as a societal problem. It’s not acceptable.”
She added: “Some of my friends have suggested it’s because [sex with a black woman is seen as] new that they’re interested. That’s why they are approaching me.
“It’s about being looked at [as a black woman] as just a statistic or something to tick off the bucket list.”
Kaguako felt compelled to take to social media for her rant after becoming tired of men mentioning her race within minutes of chatting to her online.
Now, she has even created a video to help men avoid offending black women while dating entitled ‘five things Irish guys should never say to a black girl on Tinder’.
Her open letter reads:
“Dear Irishmen, there’s more to us than our colour. There’s more to us than our looks.
“There’s more to us than the body that you have unjustly exotified because you refuse to look at what we can offer you intellectually.
“We have depth. We have character. We have value. So please stop sexualising us.
“I’m more than just my race. I’m fun and intelligent and like to have a laugh.
“To me, commenting on my race as if it is relevant at all is devaluing and demoralising.
“This kind of attitude is incredibly dangerous.
“Over the last few months, since I downloaded Plenty of Fish, Tinder and OK Cupid, I’ve been experiencing this kind of attitude.
“Men will talk to me and say they think I’m beautiful and sexy, but it’s almost always because of my race.
“I’ve had it from a number of people – maybe seven or eight out of 10 men will comment on the fact I’m black. It’s a very high number.
“Usually, men will comment on my race within five minutes of speaking to me.
“I was on Plenty of Fish for ages and ages and I know people have met serious boyfriends on there, but anyone can talk to you and it wasn’t working for me.
“I had previously been completely against Tinder because of a misconception that it was for just sex.
“But in Tinder you can be more specific and make clear what your intention is. You can pick people who want similar things to you.
“As time passed, ‘wants to date’ changed to ‘wants something serious’ but even when I did that and changed my pictures, I was still getting that sort of messages about my race.
“I guess I got to a stage where I thought maybe I’ll just give up. The online world is hopefully different to the real world.
“I’m very much an online person because of my work, but I’m not that extreme – I do go out and socialise.
“I went out a few months ago with my friends and we were speaking to some men in a bar.
“We were talking about where we were from and one man just said ‘she’s coloured’.
“Who even says that anymore? I thought people knew that wasn’t something that you said.
“I have been blogging for quite a while and one woman got in contact with me after this video to say she had experienced the same thing.
“This isn’t just black women though – it’s Asian women too. It’s not just me experiencing this.
“Because of my experiences with dating in the past, it’s coloured all the interactions I’m going to have with men in the future.”