It’s that time of year again: the seasons are changing and soon we will be considering a quick fake tan job at before we expose our pasty white limbs to the world.
So before we blind any schoolchildren, why not invest in a quick fake tan job at home to give ourselves that healthy glow? Seems sensible enough.
But while the St Tropez models make it look simple, we’ve not got a 24/7 glam squad on hand to keep us shaved, moisturised and non-patchy.
Here are 15 stages of fake tanning that every girl has been through.
1. Looking in the mirror and realising how ghostly you are.
2. Cursing your parents for giving you the palest complexion on earth.
3. Realising action needs to be taken before you have to get your limbs out in public.
4. Vowing to not end up looking orange.
5. Promising yourself you will do it properly this time and not take shortcuts.
6. Investing half your salary in an exfoliation mitt and all the tanning accessories.
7. Shutting yourself in the bathroom for half an hour to unleash hell.
8. Shaving your legs, because you’re committed to that even application.
9. Deciding to apply fairly liberally because girl got some catching up to do.
10. Feeling like you smell distinctly like biscuit.
11. Ruining every white bed sheet and towel in a ten mile radius.
12. Waking up the next morning and thinking you’ve lost three stone over night.
13. Stepping out into daylight and realising you’ve gone too far.
14. Realising that within 24 hours the shower makes it go patchy and you need to start all over again.
15. Regretting everything and wishing you’d stayed pale.