LIFESTYLE

Here’s How To Make Sure Your Relationship Survives Cuckolding

Three can be a crowd.

22/11/2016 09:49 | Updated 22 November 2016

For most couples, seeing their partner have sex with a stranger would spell disaster for their future together, but not for everyone. 

Cuckolding - when a husband derives sexual pleasure from watching his wife sleep with another man - is the kinky fetish which is booming in popularity in the UK. 

According to The Independent, online searches for cuckolding have peaked this month, having more than doubled on Google in the past 12 years.

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So what happens if you like the sound of cuckolding, but don’t really know how to navigate it successfully and make sure your relationship survives in tact?

We asked the sex experts about how to ensure your relationship survives. 

Think things through beforehand. 

Just because lots of other Brits are increasingly open to the idea of cuckolding, it doesn’t mean it will work for you and your partner. If you are considering taking part, then make sure you know why you’re interested.

In general, if your only reason is because your partner is asking you to do it, it might be worth reconsidering.

Peter Saddington, Relate Counsellor and Sex Therapist, told The Huffington Post UK: “One of the effects of our sexualised culture where there’s easy access to increasingly graphic porn is that ‘ordinary’ sex is no longer enough for some people. This means some go on to seek different forms of arousal to sustain a libido. Swinging or wanting your partner to be sexual with someone else are just some of the options.”

Bare in mind that the idea of your partner sleeping with someone else, and the reality of it, might be worlds apart.

Communicate openly with your partner.

One of most important parts of any relationship is open and honest communication and that is even more apparent when you are introducing a third party into the relationship.

For many people sex is a real deal breaker, so ensure you have had all the conversations you want to have before it happens, answered any niggling questions and discussed any potentially awkward scenarios.

Saddington said: “If you and your partner are considering going down this road, communication will be really important: what each of you wants should be expressed and heard. Avoiding any coercion and manipulation is crucial for a healthy relationship.” 

Tom Merton via Getty Images

Set boundaries.

Part of your open communication should also be about establishing parameters that will make you feel secure and in control of the situation. 

These might include being able to have a say in who your partner may sleep with, whether they are allowed any communication with the third party after sex, or how you choose to watch (or not at all if that is the case). 

“Negotiating clear boundaries will help to avoid any misinterpretation as to what is being asked or agreed to. Two consenting adults can successfully negotiate a recognised sexual relationship with someone else,” says Saddington. 

Remember, this is meant to be about improving both of your sex lives through fulfilling a mutual fantasy, not just about having your cake and eating it. 

Continue to prioritise your relationship.

When you got married, it is likely you envisaged never sleeping with anyone else ever again, so undoubtedly this experience will have an element of novelty and excitement. And whilst your partner might be encouraging you to go and enjoy yourself, remember this isn’t just about you.

You need to continue to invest in your partner and your relationship before anything and anyone else in order to ensure jealousy and resentment don’t come into play.

Saddington explains: “There can often be a break-down in the original romantic relationship as one person becomes more attracted to the third party. The reality is that many people find it hard to separate sex and the relationship.”

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