Going through a break-up is never easy: youโll want to sing Beyoncรฉ, drink a lot of vodka and leave your ex an emotional voicemail at 3am.
But there are lessons to take from other peopleโs heartbreak to make the whole thing a little less difficult for you.
Now Redditors have shared the most valuable things they learnt from break ups: the good, the bad and the downright ugly.
1. Realise It Was Never Right, And Is Never Going To Be
โWas in a quasi-relationship for 6 years. The entire time I kept convincing myself that the relationship would get better eventually (i.e. once she is out of her parents house things will be better) but they never were. It wasnโt until I broke up with her that I started to realise how silly it is to try and fix a relationship that was never really right to begin with.โ
2. Remember All The Excuses You Made For Them
โItโs over the minute you start making excuses for them. When people tell you who they are, listen.โ
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3. Work On What You Could Have Done Better
โAny serious breakup Iโve had has been a great (and important) opportunity to reflect and better myself. Not that I was ever โthe problemโ, but when things donโt work out, thereโs usually at least some fault on both sides. Take it as chance to think about what youโd do differently if you had the chance, and donโt make the same mistakes next time.โ
4. Donโt Hate Your Ex
โSomeone hating all their exes is a dealbreaker for me. Either theyโre not willing to accept their role in the bad parts of their relationships or they really do only date assholes. If the latter, then that makes me think theyโre only attracted to assholes and I donโt really want to dwell on what that says about my personality.โ
5. Know That You Can Make Yourself Happy
โRealise that I do not have to be in a relationship to be happy.โ
- tjeco
6. Make Sure You Have Your Own Friends To Support You
โMake sure that when youโre dating someone, you carve out time to be with your friends. Even in the absolute best relationships, you need to have your own circle of people separate from the relationship. If the relationship ends on a bad note, you have a support structure as you transition into single life and all of the free time that comes with it. If all of your friends are shared, then someone is getting cut out of the social group.โ
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7. Realise Closure Is Overrated
โClosure just seems like a way to extend the heartbreak on both sides. Closure might happen years later when both of us are happier with other people but not otherwise.โ
8. Know That Things Wonโt Always Make Sense
โSometimes you have to let go of great people because the timing is off. The right person at the wrong time is still, in reality, the wrong person.โ
9. Itโs Okay If You Donโt End Up Being Friends
โI was with my ex for 7 years or so and felt that I owed it to her to keep in touch with her to make sure she was doing ok. Sometimes itโs better to have her think youโre an asshole than it is to think she still has a chance.โ
10. Donโt Talk About Them On Your Tinder Date
โI thought it would sound sophisticated if I mentioned how I was still friends with my ex- on my first date back on the scene. Bad Idea. New girl interpreted that as me still having a thing for the ex.โ