Dating and looking for love can be tough. Often our focus is on the date itself and how the date will be. But what if there were ways we could get ourselves date ready that would support us in putting our best self forward? This article is about getting you in the right mindset to be open for love and whatever the date itself brings.
Here are pre-date rituals to get you in the right mindset.
Know who you are at your core.
Often our predisposition is to turn outwards to find love, but I wonder what looking for love would be like if we spent time on getting to know and love ourselves first?
When I was dating I looked externally for validation of who I was and whether I was worth dating. But I started realising that my own relationship with myself needed work and how I approached the date had a huge impact on my experience. Knowing what’s important to you, what you want from a relationship, what beliefs and internal stories you have around finding love can really help to build confidence and know what you want before a date.
Our beliefs can have a huge impact on what we attract and what we believe about the world. Often these beliefs are unconscious and go unchallenged. Reflect on what beliefs you have around love. Start questioning your beliefs on love and look for different ways of thinking to give an alternative perspective and be aware of the beliefs you have around potential partners.
Know your values.
What is important to you at your core? Is creativity, honesty, playfulness important to you? Knowing your values helps to give you a compass to make decisions in your life and when dating.
Manage the inner voice.
I know only too well how critical the inner voice within all of us can be. We can be too quiet, too fat, too thin, too uncool, too loud etc. Start by listening to what that voice says before going on a date. Ask yourself, ‘Is the voice supportive or unsupportive in finding love?’ Would you speak to a close friend the way your inner voice speaks to you? I found I used to struggle with how I looked and whether I was too strong-minded for dates. I started trying to accept me as I am. If you struggle with this, create lists of your positive attributes and pin them up around your home to remind you that you are amazing just as you are. Start finding benefits to your so-called deemed negative traits. By accepting all of ourselves – both our good and bad parts – it puts us in a more healthy place to attract a partner who’s accepting of us.
Reframing the date and scripting.
A brilliant way to help focus on the best possible outcome is a tool called scripting. Scripting is spending time before the date writing out the best possible scenario. This helps get you in a positive state of mind and also helps calm your nerves, focusing on the best not worse scenario. Another tool that helps is to reframe the date. Often dating can feel like a test or ordeal. What would be another way of viewing the date that would make it less daunting?
Tap into your intuition.
We all have six senses, but often our intuition is side stepped for the more rational logical parts of us. Our intuition can give us a source of information when dating. Tuning into our bodies is a way of directly accessing this sense. Start keeping notes of when you get intuitive hunches. This all helps you trust your gut in making decisions when dating and builds your intuitive confidence.
Practice Loving Kindness Meditation (LKM).
Practising LKM before a date helps cultivate kindness and compassion towards ourselves and our dates. We feel more positive emotions and feel a greater sense of wellbeing. This all helps form a positive mindset when approaching new situations.
Shake out the energy.
Before a date we can have lots of pent up energy that can make us jittery and anxious. Shaking out the energy – literally shaking your arms and legs and body - is a great way of releasing the energy and gets you in a more relaxed state of mind.
Prepare a pre-date playlist.
Music is a brilliant way to access different parts of you. Playing songs that build up your confidence and make you feel good helps you bring out your inner god/goddess.
Pre date rituals help you connect into the most resourceful, loving parts of you so that regardless of how your date turns out you love and accept yourself just as you.