PARENTS

Mums Share Worries That They Don't Enjoy The 'Baby Stage': What To Do If You're Feeling Overwhelmed

'I find myself daydreaming about her being a few years older.'

16/10/2017 10:51 BST

New mums have shared their worries online about not enjoying the ‘baby stage’, after one mother posted how she felt on Mumsnet.

The original poster said she has a two-year-old and a two-month-old daughter, and feels that she is wishing her youngest was a few years older. 

“I don’t enjoy them depending on me for their every need and I find myself daydreaming about her being a few years older and being able to watch movies with her and having more conversation,” the mum wrote on 14 October.  

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Mumsnet

The mum continued: “I just wondered what age you started to really enjoy your child or have you just loved every minute from the newborn stage and I’m just a selfish, sh*t mum?”

Mums replied on the thread with reassurance to the mother that all parents may enjoy different stages of parenthood.

Some agreed they also found the baby stage quite hard.

“Nice to see I’m not the only one who feels like this,” one wrote. “I found the baby stage hard, the toddler stage less so as I wasn’t as tired. Ages four-six were great. Seven is hard work as there seems to be constant challenging behaviour and arguing.”

Another mum wrote: “Hated the baby stage. Tiring, relentless and both hard work and mundane and the same time. Found it marginally easier second time as I knew things would change. Enjoy toddler stage but still tiring. I find it gets better and better the older they get.”

One mum said it “comes in phases” as to what she enjoys, writing: “It comes and goes. I’ve enjoyed the phases birth to three months, 15 months to three years, and then age 7+.

“Of course all children are different and some might have more challenging phases than others but it’s normal for there to be periods which are harder to enjoy or feel like a drag.”

Speaking to HuffPost UK, Siobhan Freegard, founder of ChannelMum.com agreed that babies can be “hard work, demanding and need repetitive care”, although she said she enjoyed the “baby stage”. 

“If you’re finding being a mum a struggle or feel you’re not enjoying it as much as you ‘should’, remember there’s no right or wrong to how you should feel,” she said. “‎If you’re finding your baby boring, get help and get a break. The relentless nature of childcare can be draining.”

Freegard also advised mums to stay off social media, as seeing other posts about women enjoying “amazing” motherhood makes many people feel down.

“Sometimes even 30 minutes away for a coffee out or a quick walk can refresh everything and make you feel much better,” she said. 

“Also, just because you’re a mum, you don’t stop being you. Keep up old hobbies or find new ones. And remember if you’re fed up, a problem halved is a problem shared. Find new mummy mates you can be honest with - or book a night out with the girls to lift your spirits.

“Don’t get stuck in a rut. If you’re in the house a lot, try a playgroup or new activity. Fed up with seeing the same cliques? Try apps like Hoop to find entirely new places to go.

“The best advice I ever had is ‘the days are long but the years are short.’ By the time your kids are tweens and teens they’ll be bored by you, so make the most of now.”

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