COMEDY

Original Source Shower Gel Leaves Woman's Vagina 'Ablaze' After Rude Awakening In Morning Shower

'Thanks for brightening up my morning. And my front bottom, which has never been so lively.'

11/05/2017 17:09

A blogger who washed her vagina with mint and tea tree shower gel swiftly lived to regret it.

The woman, who runs the Facebook page and blog ‘I Know, I Need To Stop Talking’ (IKINTST), shared an open letter to the shower gel’s maker Original Source, telling them about her run-in with their body wash at 6.45am on Wednesday morning. 

During said event, she used the shower gel to wash her body, which she claimed promptly left her vagina “ablaze”.

“MY FLAPS WERE ON FUCKING FIRE,” she wrote, in a frantic Facebook post. “Tingling? TINGLING? This wasn’t tingling my minge. It was starting a fucking bush fire down there.”

The hilarious albeit unfortunate story has been shared more than 80,000 times on the social media site, with other people chiming in about their own experiences of using the product.

Recounting her tale of woe, the unnamed woman said she was forced to use the minty shower gel after her usual choice (”Waitrose essentials, Rose”) had run out. 

“A tad irritating, but fortuitously, I had a solution close to hand,” she explained. “A brand new, unopened bottle of your very own Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel. My bodily cleanliness was assured once more. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“I took the Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel and began to work it into a lather. I applied it to first one leg, then the other, and shaved them diligently. (Yes, feel free to be impressed at my commitment to body defoliation at 6.45am on a Wednesday morning. I was too.) So far, so good.

“I washed my arms and shaved underneath them. I washed my neck, breasts, stomach and back. Thus far, it had been a positively first class bathing experience. 

“And then. AND THEN. Oh. Dear. God. MY VAGINA WAS ABLAZE.”

She continued: “For a moment, I wasn’t entirely sure what had happened. Had I repeated the never-to-be-forgotten error when I managed to apply hair removal cream which was strictly not for front bottoms to my front bottom? Had a stray spark inadvertently set light to my pubic thatch? BECAUSE IT FUCKING FELT LIKE IT.

“Yes, Original Source, your innocuous looking green bottle of so-called shower gel, it turns out, is an absolute fucking liability. MY FLAPS WERE ON FUCKING FIRE.

“I had a quick look at the ingredients list to see if it contained gasoline. It did not. There was a warning though. ‘KEEP AWAY FROM EYES.’ Keep away from eyes? KEEP AWAY FROM EYES? Frankly, my eyes were the least of my problems right now.

“I frantically scrubbed my flaps, which by now felt as though they were being ceremoniously scrubbed by ants wearing ice skates laced with chilli sauce.

“‘7,929 tingling leaves’ claimed the front of the bottle. Tingling? TINGLING? This wasn’t tingling my minge. It was starting a fucking bush fire down there. (Pun entirely intended. You can thank me later.)”

She claimed it took 12 hours for her ‘front bottom’ to finally calm down and eyes to stop watering.

In the interests of public safety, she jokily asked the company to rebrand the front of its bottles to read: “7,927 tingling leaves which will accost your genitalia until it screams for mercy.”

“If nothing else, it will certainly stand out on the shelf,” she added.

“Anyways, thanks for brightening up my morning. And my front bottom, which has never been so lively.”

HuffPost UK has reached out to Original Source for comment and is waiting to hear back. 

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