COMEDY

Ted Cruz Might Be A Reptilian Imposter, If You Believe These People

We're going to look at the facts.

03/05/2016 15:23

US Senator and Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz has been accused of being many things, from a Canadian to the infamous Zodiac Killer, but since his wife spoke out to confirm that he wasn't the perpetrator of the string of unsolved murders, social media conspirators have turned to another explanation of his odd behaviour.

It was only a matter of time, but some are claiming Ted Cruz and running mate Carly Fiorina might actually be alien lizards in human costumes.

It sounds like something out of a 'Simpsons' Halloween special, but people have gone as far as creating joke website tedcruzforhumanpresident.com, which states his main policy as "I wish to shut down the space program and destroy all telescopes, abruptly and without explanation."

That might all seem like a bit of social media japery, but let's take a look at the cold hard facts.

Exhibit A: This awkward moment where he can't figure out how to hold Carly Fiorina's hand

Exhibit B: Someone from inside the US Congress anonymously edited the Wikipedia page for "Lizard People"

Hmmm... suspicious.

Exhibit C: He looks incredibly uncomfortable at all times

Exhibit D: He couldn't even properly hug his own human daughter

Exhibit E: He wants the human race to procreate as fast as possible

Judging by his policies on Planned Parenthood, contraception and other issues, he must want the human race to grow in number. PERHAPS FOR FUTURE ENSLAVEMENT??

Exhibit F: He struggles to comprehend human culture.

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He also thinks basketball hoops are called "rings", which is just weird.

Exhibit G: He eats his own excretions for sustenance

Exhibit H: Even his own human family don't seem too keen on him.

Is Ted Cruz really a lizard in a human costume? Only time may tell.

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