Children love asking questions. As anyone with experience of parenting a toddler knows their constant refrain of ’Why?′ is one of the ways they make sense of the world around them - even if their conclusions are sometimes wonderfully confused.
But children also take years to perfect their ‘polite filter’ and/or work out how to whisper properly - which can lead to some memorable moments for parents.
We asked parents for some of their children’s most legendary and unanswerable questions. Enjoy!
Questions about other people (always within hearing distance, of course)
“My friend was sitting in the doctor’s waiting room with her son and a few people, including a man who wasn’t so fabulous looking. Her son said, ‘Someone in this room is the ugliest person I’ve ever seen in my life.’” Emma
″‘Why does that man smell like a dog?’ We were in a lift with one man.” Sarah
“Walking to school behind two primped and pimped up teenage boys reeking of Lynx, my four-year-old son asked loudly: ‘Mummy, what’s that smell?’ Followed by, in a very loud stage whisper: ‘I think it’s those MANS.’“Jill
″‘Is that lady a man?’ I died a death, standing behind her in the supermarket queue.” Juliet
Those questionably timed questions
″‘Why do you hate grandma?’ In front of her.” Carol
″‘I don’t think Jane is boring, Mummy. Why do you think she is?’ In front of Jane, obviously.” Jackie
Questions about looks
“What are all those lines on your face, Mummy?” Amy
“My stepdaughter, who was nine at the time, said: ‘What are those lumps on your legs?’ I was wearing a bikini with my back to her. I explained it was called cellulite.” Lynnette
“So many cringe moments to choose from. Perhaps the worst was my then four-year-old twin girls modelling HUGE bras in the M&S lingerie department and asking, ‘Why aren’t your bras this big, Mummy?’” Tracey
“Why is your bum so big?” Clodagh
Questions about age
“My daughter was three when she asked, ‘Why did you throw the sieve away?’ I said: ‘Because sometimes things get old and they break’ to which she replied, ‘Oh, so will you go in the bin, because you’re old and broken too?’” Hannah
“Mum, what was Queen Victoria like?” Thanks, darling.” Fiona
″‘How old are you, Mummy?’, ’38, honey.′, ’Is that the last number?’” Jo
“Did you have heating when you were little?” Carol
You could be right there, kid
“Mum, is Dad a little boy trapped in a big man skin because he plays computer games all the time?” Nancy
“When I’m a mum, will I be shouty like you?” Tam
And questions YOU should never ask a child
Of course, sometimes it’s better not to ask your children questions, unless you want these sort of painfully honest answers...
“When I was about nine, my mum’s friend asked me how old I thought she was. She was extremely vain, tanned, with large breast implants and peroxide blonde hair. Not understanding shades of blonde, I thought her hair was white and only really old people had white hair. So, trying to be generous I said, ’60?’” She hit the roof. I was never invited back.” Natasha
“My daughter was stroking my face rather firmly the other day, while staring mournfully at me. I asked her what she was doing? She replied: ‘I’m trying to smooth your creases out. But they won’t stay straight.’” Adam
“Any be-polite prompt questions are a bad idea. I once asked my daughter, ‘You love Granny’s cooking, don’t you?’ Her response was, ‘No, it makes me want to be sick.’” Carmel