13 Things You Learn When You Join A Dating App

He's as much an astronaut as you are the next presidential candidate.

04/07/2016 15:32

You tried to ignore that your love life was so non-existent you needed a dating app to give it CPR, but finally you've decided that if you're ever going to get back on the horse/any horse, it's time for online help.

Welcome to the world of swipe right, pictures that don't correspond to anyone's real face and the general feeling of "Is everyone a freak or is it just me?"

So before you set up that profile, we wanted to share with you all the things you're about to learn: 

1. You are way more picky than you think you are.

2. You have no photographs of yourself that you like - where are all the ones that make me look hot AND fun?

3. Everyone pouts in at least one profile picture. 

4. Or has a cosy picture with someone of the opposite sex. Are you even single? 

5. People think photographs don't show their age. Sir, you have not been 24 for at least two decades.

 6. Some people think that putting "NASA Astronaut" as their profession is an acceptable thing to do.

7. You see all the hot people first - the apps are rigged and use them as a gateway drug. 

8. You worry it is going to post something on your Facebook timeline and everyone will know you are desperate and alone.

9. Do not check Happn notifications in the office, the Tube or any other confined space - you might end up "charming" your boss. 

10. Your loved-up friends suddenly want to "borrow" your phone to play with the app. Your love life is not a joke GODDAMIT. 

 11. You will come across your ex and consider swiping right "for old time's sake".

 12. Your hand will get stuck in a swipe left mode and you'll accidentally swipe away the hottest guy you've seen in three weeks.

 13. You'll spend more time taking screenshots of people's profile pictures to send to friends rather than actually going on dates.

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