LIFESTYLE

16 Signs You’re Too Old To Go To A Festival

How about a nice cruise instead?

03/04/2017 11:44 BST

They say you’re only as old as you feel, and after 72 hours sleeping in a tent with only a suspiciously damp sleeping bag for company, we all feel at least thirty years older.

Now we’re never ones to put an age limit on having fun, but there are definitely some warning signs that maybe it is time to start considering Glastonbury as just a town in Somerset, rather than an obligatory annual event in your social calendar.

Here are 16 signs that you’re too old to go to a festival.

1. You would book tickets because you heard Coldplay were headlining. 

2. You check the weather app at least three times a day before going.

3. You use an Excel spreadsheet to write a packing list. 

4. You insist on a practice run pitching your tent at home.

5. You look up the rates of the local Travelodge.

6. You are bothered by the sound of strangers having sex.

7. You don’t see the nutritional benefits of Strongbow for breakfast.

8. You dread a mattress without sufficient back support.

9. You use two different types of shower gel.

10. You can’t go more than 20 minutes without a toilet break.

11. You have no desire to own a selfie stick.

12. You own clothes you don’t want to have to burn afterwards.

13. You don’t know what a mosh pit is. 

14 You think that the drinks are ‘reasonably priced’. 

15. You dream about a cup of tea not served in a plastic cup. 

16. You need a week at home to recover.

When did we get so old?