LIFESTYLE

STI Clinics: 14 Things Everyone Goes Through When Getting Tested

Better safe than sorry.

24/03/2017 14:57 GMT | Updated 24/03/2017 15:45 GMT

Part of the deal with being a responsible adult, is that while you get to enjoy all the fun of having sex, you also have to practice it safely and keep tabs on your sexual health.

And yes we know you’ve heard it a thousand times (and we sound a lot like your parents), but getting an STI really is no fun. 

Here are 14 things everyone experiences when going to the clinic.

1. Planning to wear dark glasses so no one recognises you. 

2. Loitering outside pretending you’re going anywhere but here.

3.  Remembering an innocent time before you knew what chlamydia was. 

4. Wondering how they manage to get all waiting rooms to smell so clinically similar.

5. Mentally ranking your sexual partners in order of risk factor.

6. Wanting to lie when asked how many people you’ve slept with. 

7. Praying that no one tries to match with you on a dating app in here.

8. Being paranoid that they are going to throw up when you take your underwear off. 

9. Wanting to ask staff members how many people they’ve seen naked.

10. Knowing that a swab is the least sexy thing ever to happen to anyone ever.

11. Proposing that if more swabs were used in sex ed no one would ever touch another human being. 

12. Finding that providing a urine sample under pressure is as stressful as an Olympic sport. 

13. Realising you are now unable to think about anything but sex.

14. Vowing to be celibate for the rest of your life to avoid doing this again.