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Coffee, Cream and Self-Esteem

25/07/2016 11:26 | Updated 25 July 2016

COFFE CREAM AND SELF-ESTEEM

How the art of being stupid helped me find my voice.

It took a lot of self-care and practice to get this awesome.

People ask me all the time- "Ever, how did you get this awesome?"

Actually no one's ever asked me BUT I picture them asking me. That's the same thing, right? Right. I know you're wondering it too. So I'll tell you.

Most of it comes from having a basic high-school level education and many years of over compensating my insecurities with faux confidence. You know -fake it 'till you make it. Or in my case- fake it till you kinda scrape by and then feel ok with yourself.

Most of it comes from having a basic high-school level education and many years of over compensating my insecurities with faux confidence.

Like that time I reached across you and grabbed the half-and-half at the coffee shop at that weird spot where all the sugars and cream are. You're right; I did mumble something under my breath.

I meant to say "Oop! Excuse me, just need to grab the cream."

You know, like a normal human.

But instead you heard, "Ohhyeah, hot day for cream for me to have."

I heard it too. Because I said it. I said 'Hot day for cream for me to have,' and then I swallowed my spit because I got nervous and somehow it managed to go down the wrong pipe and then I started coughing. Uncontrollably.

"Are you ok?"

What I tried to say was, 'Yes, thank you."

"Ohhyeah, hot day for cream for me to have."

However, the only thing that came out of my mouth was, "For me I am ok."

Then every morning when I saw you I spoke in an unrecognizable accent, "Outside it is nice day!"

You would smile and nod and talk loudly and slowly at me. Trying to make me feel welcome in this foreign land.

"YES! IT IS NICE DAY"

Whoops. That got out of hand. It was much easier being the self-assured foreign girl then the weird girl who can't ask for a dairy product. Sorry I made you look like an idiot. You didn't know. But I knew.

It was much easier being the self-assured foreign girl then the weird girl who can't ask for a dairy product.

I was insecure about talking to the strangers I met in the brief moments of my everyday life. Afraid that they would see that my teeth were crooked, that my shirt bunched around my hips, and judge the fact that I had no idea what hummus was until I was 23. And then I had hummus and everything changed!

I began being more and more vulnerable on stage and not afraid of looking stupid. The more I did this - the more and more my insecurities went away. I had nothing to hide. I started practicing this mentality off stage in my day-to-day life.

I began being more and more vulnerable on stage and not afraid of looking stupid.

I realized that I'm just as lovable as when I'm mumbling over half-and-half as I am performing on stage. In the end, we're all self conscious humans scraping by until we feel ok with ourselves.

Ever premieres her debut Edinburgh Festival comedy show 'Let Me Be Your Main Man' at the Gilded Balloon - Wine Bar for the month of August for tickets go to www.edfringe.com Presented By: Get Comedy UK

For more information visit EverMainard.com or check her out on Facebook and Instagram

(Poster By: Garrett Ross, Photo By Kale Clauson)

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