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The Republican Primaries are Identical to the TV Show The Biggest Loser

Posted: 13/03/2012 00:13

It occurred to me the other day that the Republican Primaries have become identical to the TV show The Biggest Loser. At the start of the Biggest Loser, fat people stand in front of their friends and family, announce they want to lose weight and then troop off to do something about it.

For weeks they eat salad, work out and lose weight voting people off until there is a winner. This entire competition is monitored closely by some satanically possessed trainers and a disingenuous presenter whose collective job is to bait these poor rotund people until they have a very public mental breakdown whilst on a stair-master. Of course, the trainers assure the watching public that this harrowing ordeal is exactly what they need to 'breakthrough' and resist the heart attack burritos which got them into this mess in the first place.

Now... spot the difference in the Republican Primary

At the start of the election, candidates stand in front of their friends and family, announce they want to be president and they troop off to do something about it. For weeks they eat pancakes, donuts and burgers and work the campaign trail voting people off until there is a winner. This entire competition is monitored closely by some rather satanically possessed campaign staff and a disingenuous media whose collective job it is to bait these poor candidates until they have a very public mental breakdown whilst at a campaign rally. Of course, the campaign staff and media assure the watching public that this harrowing ordeal is exactly what they need to 'breakthrough' and resist President Barack, the man who got them into this mess in the first place.

And the difference?

Biggest Loser = salad

Donuts, pancakes and burgers = the Biggest Republican.

Over eight months these candidates have been crisscrossing the United States. They have been to thousands of rallies and campaign stops and to over 20 televised debates and we still don't have a winner.

It appears the intention of the Republican Party was to follow the Obama vs Clinton template of 2008. Obama emerged from that election stronger, almost presidential and had an energised party behind him. But the 2008 strategy only works when you have candidates that can engage the public. Right now in a fight between Romney, Santorum, Gingrinch and an all you can eat pancake breakfast, sadly, the public seem to be voting for the breakfast. The only ones that seem to be really energised are the fast food joints which have seen their profits spike every time a campaign bus and the candidates quite literally roll into town.

If we don't get a nominee soon then all we will get is a 500 pound, tired and broke Republican who no-one really likes up against a well funded incumbent Democrat with a spring in his step.

Of course this is great news for Obama, but is it really good for America and in fact the world? In such troubled times, surely we want to see a real choice and a real debate? If the Republicans can't even give us that then surely we are all the Biggest Losers?

 

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