THE BLOG

How to Get What You Really Want in Bed - And Other Stories

09/01/2012 14:59 | Updated 10 March 2012

I'm not really a big fan of women's glossy magazines and their apparent obsession with clothes, sex and The Only Way is Essex, but I often end up flicking through them in Doctors' waiting rooms, or friends' houses, or - I admit it - furtively adding a copy of Grazia to my basket of newspapers, Buxton spring water and overpriced crisps at the train station newsagents. (I have a real phobia of ending up with nothing to read while on the unnecessarily slow train from Norwich to London and I find that my copy of the Guardian will only sustain me until about Chelmsford.)

I am often entertained by the headlines of the articles in these magazines, promising perfect hair, weight loss miracles and the answers to life's most fundamentally important questions. What do men really want? How can I get a bikini body in just two weeks? How should I spend the last £50 of my overdraft? (The answer is, of course, on shoes.)

This cartoon is the first of a series celebrating these headlines. I started writing down my favourites a few months ago for fun. (Yes, I write lists for fun. I also voluntarily listen to Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals and eat Tofu...want to make something of it?) I have amassed quite a collection, from the intriguing - Upgrade your Sex Life (is there an App for that?) to the slightly disturbing Get Inside His Brain (literally? Because I'm pretty sure that's illegal).

I hope you enjoy this one. I assure you that there are many more to come and am counting on the fact that at least one person will be mildly entertained, even if that person is my mother and she's just saying it to make me feel better.

If you happen to glance upon any especially funny, wonderful or ridiculous headlines while passing the magazine section on your way to the intellectual books area, feel free to let me know.

I'm always interested to hear about new developments in the high arts of man-pleasing and dropping a jean size. You can find me on Twitter @gemmacorrell.