The relationships we have with others are so important in our lives, human beings are social creatures and the more we are able to socialise without fear the more fulfilled we feel, as we are better able to connect with others.
The problem though is a lot of people are uncomfortable in their own skin and as much as they want to meet new friends, interact with strangers and meet new lovers their fear holds them back from truly connecting.
If we are uncomfortable in our own skin, we feel we won't be good enough or worthy enough for others and we feel we will be rejected or judged negatively for our abilities socially, so we end up holding back the real us.
Maybe others don't notice us holding back, but we do, we are hiding behind layers and masks so people don't see our true authentic self. Because of this we feel trapped and unfulfilled, because no one really knows who we are, and we know we have so much to give if only they could see it.
So to truly connect with people and free ourselves from hiding who we truly are, here are five things to remember when we feel uncomfortable in our own skin.
1. It's okay to feel nervous.
Sometimes we feel nervous in a social situation, maybe it's a group of people we don't know that well, maybe it's a love interest we really like, maybe we just haven't socialised lately so we feel a bit awkward..
It's all okay! The only problem with feeling nervous is that we hide it.
That's it, the moment we express it to others, it loses all its power. It's no longer your little secret.
2. It's okay not to be our best self.
Everyone is trying to be the perfect person, we don't want to show anything less than our best self, so once again we hide our true self in our moment to moment lives.
Maybe we don't feel our best, maybe we feel tired from a hard week, maybe we feel a bit ill, maybe we feel vulnerable and sad, maybe we feel hungry and it's making us irritable, whatever it maybe just remember we don't have to be on top form.
Feel whatever it is you feel, then if you need to express those feelings to feel better about it, then do.
That's true authenticity.
3. We don't need to be good talkers.
I had a client the other day that had a worry that when he hasn't socialised for a couple of days he feels slightly anxious because he may not be able to talk as smoothly as he normally does. He starts to fear that he won't be able to think up a good conversation to have.
What I told him was this: Why do we need to be good talkers? There is something much more important than our ability to talk and that's listening... If it was true that you can't think of anything to converse about, well.... Simply get curious about others, then do this:
People love to be listened to, so be a great listener.
4. It's not all about us.
When we feel uncomfortable being us it's often because we are making it all about us. That means we are overthinking, we are too much head and not enough heart.
Make it more about others and we take the emphasis off of us.
Ask yourself this, how can I give to the people around me?
Listening, compliments, making them smile and laugh, being there when they need you, being curious about their passions and dreams.
Forget what people are thinking of you, they are too worried about themselves.. Be the one who is in your heart giving to others and helping them feel good.
5. What can I change?
Sometimes being uncomfortable in our own skin doesn't just come from overthinking or not being authentic, sometimes it's because we haven't looked after ourselves in the way we truly desire.
So what is it about you that you would like to change?
Maybe you aren't happy about your weight or health? Could you exercise more? Eat healthier?
Maybe you don't live a life you love and are settling for a lifestyle that you don't like living? Can you have the courage to do what you love more?
Sometimes if we give ourselves more self-love, self-care and self-respect we feel more comfortable being who we are.
So these are some things to remember when we feel uncomfortable being in our own skin, it's okay to be uncomfortable, feel it all, then let it all go.
Others feel the same way too, they just don't show it either, but the answer is always love, love for yourself and love for others, then all fear disappears.
To accept ourselves as we are is true confidence.
Try all of the above and you will become a more authentic and a more powerful presence in the world who is very much comfortable in your own skin, the freedom this gives us within is life changing.
If this is a part of your life that you want grow in and you're ready to make the change then I would love to invite you to experience a powerful coaching conversation with me.