THE BLOG

Why Being The Other Woman Has Skewed My Perception Of Men

18/12/2016 17:40 GMT | Updated 18/12/2016 17:40 GMT
weerapatkiatdumrong via Getty Images

I have recently gotten into a relationship with an incredible guy. He is pretty much everything I wanted in a partner but I had given up hope of finding someone like him.

But for some reason, I can't fully trust him, and worry over things that perhaps I shouldn't. I realised this morning what I believe has led to this inherent lack of trust despite how much he tries.

It's not something I like to admit but I have been the other women on multiple occasions. Granted there was one occasion where I knew the guy was in a relationship but the rest failed to mention the tiny detail that they were already taken when we met.

I fell hard for these men, they were charming, affectionate, and spoiled me with attention. They made me feel so incredibly special, as though I were the only girl for them.

But over time the same thing would happen, either I or the girlfriend would discover they were in a relationship with someone else and everything that was once perfect would crumble into a pit of nastiness.

I can give a few examples to better explain myself (all names have been changed)

- Andy - the guy on his stag do who I met in Spain and spent the entire week relentlessly trying to sleep with me before he became 'trapped' (he failed in his attempts).

- Thomas - a guy I met in Barbados who after pointing out his newlywed wife at the other end of a bar suggested we find somewhere 'quiet'.

-Saul -a friend of a friend who I met at a house party that sweet talked his way into my bed (and also declared his love that same night, I should have known he was odd then) who I found out the next day had a girlfriend.

-Hugh- a guy who I met through friends that only ever talked about the fact he was divorced at 28 and didn't tell me, when we embarked on a relationship that he in fact lived with a girl.

- John - a guy I met in work who invited me on a date after informing me he was single, only for me to discover through social media that he had a pregnant girlfriend.

-Neil- perhaps the one that affected me the most to this day. This one I knew was in a relationship but fell so hard for him anyway. I floated on cloud nine when I was around him, he promised me the world and treated me better than I ever had done before. But history has a tendency to repeat itself and he ended up leaving me for another woman once we eventually started our relationship.

The point I'm trying to make is that I have seen these men - the majority of whom were normal, and not the 'type' you may expect to be a player - lie so seamlessly to their unsuspecting girlfriends time and time again. Even when questioned, they could always think on their feet, cover their tracks as soon as they made them.

Now, years later when I've finally met someone I genuinely care about I can't help but wonder if he is lying just as seamlessly, or if, just maybe, he is one of the few decent ones left out there.