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Telling Yourself That 'All The Good Ones Are Taken'? Call Bulls**t

05/09/2017 11:08

Yet another wasted date with a loser, a guy who didn't look anything like their photo, or worse - someone who seemed perfect on paper but in reality, another evening with them makes you feel like chewing your own arm off?

After what feels like 100 dates without success, it's really easy to think that there's no-one left out there who doesn't tick deal-breaker boxes.

It's totally tempting to give up dating altogether, throw in the towel, buy a few cats, or even - f*ck - settle for someone who seems nice but doesn't set your heart on fire.

I mean hey, beggars can't be choosers, right? Time to face facts: maybe there aren't any good ones left. No-one's getting any younger, after all, and maybe your mate Karen really did get the last good one.

ER, STOP RIGHT THERE. Don't be throwing that pity party where I can see it - or at all! Not to put too fine a point on it: that's bullsh*t, and here's why.

Sure, maybe 5-10% of dating is about luck, but blaming your bad dates thus far on a total over-generalisation isn't going to help, is it?

This isn't purely about luck. It's about attitude. It's about faith (no, not in the religious sense, unless that floats your boat). Self-belief. The story you have in your head.

As the mindset author Napoleon Hill wrote in his bestseller, Think and Grow Rich: "One comes, finally, to believe whatever one repeats to one's self, whether the statement be true or false. If [you] repeat a lie over and over, [you] will eventually accept the lie as truth. Moreover, [you] will believe it to be the truth."

Which is a long-winded way of saying: if you keep telling yourself that there are no good men or women left out there, then there won't be, and your reality will reflect that.

If you go into dating and any actual dates thinking that, you'll instantly lower any vibe or feeling you give off, cut off any opportunity you might see, and close your mind to the possibility that somewhere out there, there is someone exactly like you, who could be a brilliant partner.

Which doesn't sound much like a fun evening, does it?

Think of it this way: In the same way as you're sitting there wondering where on EARTH your perfect partner is, they're probably doing the same thing, right now.

People are single for loads of perfectly-fine reasons. It doesn't mean they're undateable, or the dregs of Tinder.

I mean, you're pretty awesome, and you're single - and you have your own history and reasons and infinite number of variables and vulnerabilities and interesting stories to tell about why or how that is - so why the hell wouldn't there be other pretty awesome singles like that out there for you to meet, too?

What's more likely? That there are more people just like you out there who you just haven't had chance to meet yet, or that actually, you're LITERALLY the ONLY ONE left on this planet, in your city, who is just uniquely unable to find someone? Don't give me that shit!

You're seriously great, but you're not THAT special sweetheart. And that's said with so much love - it's actually a good thing!

The world isn't divided between people who are coupled-up and happy, and people who are single and utter losers. We all know life is infinitely more colourful than that.

If you're more of a facts person, take the figures from the UK Office for National Statistics, which in 2015 showed that there were more single people these days - as in, unmarried - than at any point in the past ten years.

And it wasn't just old, lonely people in small towns or villages: the study found 61% of people in Islington, London zone 1, to be single, across all age groups, including those aged 21-35 and older.

Yes, some 'single' people are living together or in couples, and some will have baggage not even Schwarzenegger could carry, but hey, we're still talking millions of people out there.

Millions of people who could potentially enjoy the way you scrunch up your eyes when you're looking at a menu, who could learn to love the slow way you smile when you're tired, who could keep you fascinated with how intently they look at you when you're talking, or who can put up with you when you're grumpy as f*ck, or who could make you feel like home whenever you're with them.

Millions. Of. People. Millions. Of. People.

So, embrace it. Learn to love the search. Keep that faith, even though it feels impossible sometimes. Get curious.

To paraphrase Napoleon Hill - don't accept the lie as truth. Tell yourself there are great people out there, and you'll start to notice them. Notice the good, not the bad, and train yourself to believe it.

You just haven't met them yet, but keep the faith. And in the meantime? Carry on with your awesome self, so that when you DO meet someone great, you'll be open-minded enough to know about it.

Cut through the bullsh*t of bad dating and rubbish relationships, and unf*ck your love life so you can get what you want, instead. Book a free call with me now to find out how I can help you today

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