I stood on the treadmill and started it on a slow speed, before increasing the speed to my usual level.
I stared into the space in front of me, thinking life was such a smooth walk.
Suddenly, the speed increased.
I tried to tap on the control buttons in front of me but nothing worked. I tried to keep up with the increased speed of the treadmill but lost pace and fell with a loud thud. My head hit the base and cracked open, spurting blood everywhere. I wanted to reach my wound and cover the bleeding spot but instead had to use my hands to find some support, to stop sliding further down and hitting the floor.
There was no one to help.
I had fallen hard and needed to reach the control panel to stop this racing and sliding. I caught hold of the sidebar and tried hard to pull myself up but failed miserably.
Yes, I was dreaming - more like a nightmare - a nightmare which reflected how I felt in real life. A sinking feeling.
Just like that treadmill, life has no 'Stop' button and one can only control its speed.
But at 45, everything appears to be out of control and keeping up is strenuous.
It's like being in a state of limbo.
At times I even feel like a zombie walking in the unknown.
Is this, what is called as mid-life crisis? Or am I just losing it?
I am told, this is how one feels when hormones start playing Rugby inside your body.
A state called 'Perimenopause'.
Perimenopause is a relatively new term coined in last twenty years to describe symptoms caused by hormonal fluctuation that occur as a woman approaches menopause. The symptoms can be broad ranging but mood swings can be the difficult one to handle. There are medical treatments or alternate dietary solutions but the simplest thing to start with is, to do what makes you feel happy.
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Coffee, wine or him? Whichever works for you - as a dose of 'Pick-Me-Up'.
Whether caffeine or sex - we all need it.
For me countless cups of coffee work every time I am feeling low. Actually, I don't know if it's the coffee or the sugar in it that lifts my spirits.
As soon as I feel that life is pulling me down (or the hormones are), I rush to get a coffee. Even the strong smell of coffee takes me northwards or at least the feeling is such. My journey until now has not needed any external element to accelerate and match the speed of life. But now I need that extra boost or high to keep me going.
Some find solace or energy by turning to a religious entity. And then there are some who head towards finding and reaching for the forbidden fruit.
Even though medical science says that women in perimenopause stage lose their libido, many studies contradict this belief & show that this can be a stage of life when there could be a 'Surge of Urge'. Sex outside marriage or relations which seem unattainable look more attractive.
Some find help in meditation, exercising or even a shopping spree. Talking to friends at similar stage of life can also help understand and find that inner strength to move on.
So as I said earlier, whichever works for you - go for it - grab that sidebar on the treadmill - choose your 'pick-me-up' and get back on track.
By: Harsha Kotak
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