Becoming a mum can be a shock to the system. Time for socialising gets shorter as your boobs grow longer, while your circle of friends widens along with your vagina.
Joining a mums' group is a great idea. Those first meetings can be a little awkward, though, with everyone trying to be as nice as possible while secretly trying to work out who will be your future drinking buddy and who will be the person you end up having that tedious chat about John Lewis muslin squares.
So here are some icebreaker games to get everyone laughing and swearing, instead of comparing the turning circles of the Bugaboo Cameleon and Maclaren XLR.
1. Handbag Surprise
A Scummy Mummies classic. Each mum takes it in turn to pull something revolting out of their handbag. Typical examples include half-sucked lollipops, dirty socks and old nappies. The owner of the scummiest item wins the jackpot - all the other scummy items!
2. Hands or Tits?
Aural fun. Everyone in the group closes their eyes apart from one person, who makes a clapping noise. The rest of the group has to guess whether they created that sound using their hands or their boobs. This is a great opener - nothing quite breaks the ice like shouting "TITS" in the face of a woman you hardly know.
3. Gin for Jeans
Each player gets a pen and a piece of paper. Everyone has to write down the date they last washed their jeans. The person who has left it the longest wins a bottle of gin.
4. Scum Dine With Me
A multiple choice quiz. Each player lists three disgusting meals - two they have made up, and one they have actually eaten. The rest of the group have to guess which one is real. As an example, here are our dirty dinners:
a) The remains of a pizza the children have already chewed the toppings off
b) A whole packet of Cheestrings
c) One of those microwave burgers from Tesco, unmicrowaved
a) A Fray Bentos Steak & Ale Pie with a side order of Monster Munch
b) An entire gratin made with 1kg potatoes and 2 pints of cream
c) Leftover curry eaten cold, straight out of the tin, in the bath
(This is sort of a trick question as we have eaten all these things, but you get the idea.)
5. CSI: Mymummy
All mums are covered in mystery stains at all times. The game here is to guess the origins of the stains on each other's clothing, handbag, buggy etc. Each time one is identified, the entire group must sing: "Poooooo are you? Poo-poo, poo-poo," to the tune of the CSI theme song. Yes, you are grown women. But you are also mothers, so you might as well get used to the idea of finding poo hilarious.
Thanks for playing!
A new episode of The Scummy Mummies Podcast is released every fortnight - listen free via www.scummymummies.com or download via iTunes. We're on Facebook and Twitter - @scummymummies. Come and say hello!