Lessons From A Hopeful Adult

26/08/2016 11:09 | Updated 26 August 2016

We are becoming adults. Suddenly, we are starting to mirror the language of our parents'. You can almost feel the shift. It's not just the painful knots in our bank, but the extra responsibility that forces us to sit that little bit straighter and stand a little taller. Being an adult is starting to feel less like dress up. We are no longer the cute (or in my case angelically divine) toddlers stumbling in our parent's shoes. And whilst, most of the time we are getting by on a wing and a prayer and numerous expletives, there is no question that you can feel the change.

Don't get me wrong, I still feel like life is analogous to that fairground game where scary looking creatures pop out of holes quicker than a novelty hammer can bash them down. With a fun new obstacle that leaves you desperately searching for a better adult (whom for some reason always seems to be the lawyers - maybe it's the suit?) arriving daily. However, as a hopeful adult one of the most marked differences, I have found, is time. As students, we lived Einstein's law of relativity, time knew neither rhyme nor reason.

So when your crazy friend Donna spoke at you till 2 in the morning you indulged her. And when that bitch Juliette embarrassed you in a seminar you forgave her because she threw all the good parties. And when Margy who you'd known your whole life, but you didn't really like, asked you out for coffee you acquiesced. You didn't overthink it, what's a few hours wasted? As students we were rich in time, which was pretty helpful because we were all as poor as fuck.

However, all that has changed. Because now we've grown up, and whilst amazingly we seem to have less money than as students, we unquestionably also have less time. Much less. I'm not even convinced those phrases do justice to the gravity of the situation - saying we have less time now, is a little like saying President Donald Trump would be bad for America. We need to add some expletives, some dramatic intonation, wide-eyed horror. Let's try this.

Fucking hell we ha-ave sooo much LESS TIME now.

I hope you now get my drift. Shit. Just. Got real.

So when Donna comes round you have very little patience, because her dramas are all starting to sound the same. And Juliette's bitchiness is beginning to feel like nails on a chalk board. And as for poor Margy neither blood nor water can sustain that dying friendship.

In short, you only really want to spend time with people you actually like, whom you enjoy hanging out with. Of course as poor D, J & M stand crushed in a corner it can be mightily difficult to toss them aside. Likelihood is one of them (probably J) has gone travelling "to find herself," and the other has moved cities/countries so you can easily miss their calls and field their texts. However, short of blocking someone, which in my opinion is absolutely, positively, unacceptable (not that it's ever happened to me...) Breaking up these friendships (particularly the toxic ones) is pretty messy business. It makes a relationship breakup seem remarkably easy especially as for the first two weeks you basically have a carte blanche to do whatever the fuck you want.

In all seriousness, I don't have the answers. I really have no clue. Friendships are important - my best friends are my lifeline, my sustenance and I am extremely grateful to them. But, as I start to phase out the extraneous friendships, and (G-d forgive me for saying this) focus on me. It's not an easy process. Not by any means.

Of course, as Google informed me Theodore Roosevelt once said, "nothing worth having comes easy." So I guess you have to face in much the same way I have faced much of white girl, adult life problems - closing my eyes and thinking of England. And, obviously, if any of my friends are reading this. This is so...totally not about you.