THE BLOG

My Sweet Malaise

20/09/2016 11:19

Paralyzed is what I am, not who I am.

If you are searching for someone that spreads own pity, talks about their pain and suffering, someone who lectures over the awful parts of being sick, the dark side, the hurts and the anxiety, I am sorry; you are in the wrong place.

This is certainly not "the memoirs of a paralyzed woman". I could not document that story, only because to write such story I would have to see myself as a paralyzed woman, and I do not see myself in that way.

I cannot remember the last time that I thought to myself; "Sh... I am paralyzed." That thought does not cross my mind in my daily life. I know that I am, I say that I am, but I never think as; "I am paralyzed."

For instance, if I have to go to a place that's hard to get to in a wheelchair I might think; "this is not a good place for me to go because the roads are uneven, or there is no room for a wheelchair, or whatever." I never think; "I am sick, I am different, I don't fit in" It is simple, paralyzed is what I am, not who I am.

"I got to know Kati as she is, and I got to love her like this. She sits most of the time quiet in her chair. But underneath that silence lives a rebel, a fighter, a passionate woman full of life. With huge dreams and big plans, she cannot move yet does not let this stop her to do anything that she wants to do" Henning

I guess he is right; I am like that. I never looked at myself like that before, but now I do. Being motionless blessed me with a higher purpose in life which leaves me with no time to bicker about meaningless things.

"There is a paragraph in the 'The Serenity Prayer' that says; 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.' Kati has been granted this serenity, this courage, and this wisdom. And I have been given the gift of being part of it." Henning

If I had not gotten that stroke I probably would not have had a life full of blessings as I have now. At least not the serenity and the wisdom that I gained by being incapacitated.

A tragedy and it's hardships have let me down a path full of wonders that not many people get to experience. I have seen life from one pole to the other in a way that only a few humans get to see it, let alone experience. However, all in all, I have to say that it has been a beautiful ride.

We have a great marriage, the kind of union that most women dream about; there is not one day that passes Henning and me by without us sharing our lives. Just imagine; an ordinary couple can fight or have a discussion about a little thing which would lead them not to talk to each other for a few days, sometimes even longer. For us this is impossible, the condition that I am in makes it, that we have to communicate. Furthermore, talking in our situation means; looking into each other's eyes, into each other's souls.

That makes a great marriage, a beautiful experience and it is all because of an affliction, 'my sweet malaise'.

Kati

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