THE BLOG

Dating Homophobic Older Men.

21/01/2015 15:52 GMT | Updated 23/03/2015 09:59 GMT

As a divorced woman in her mid fifties, I started on-line dating a couple of years ago not really knowing what to expect.I'm probably what is known as a "serial dater" as I've been on lots of first dates and up to now, don't seem to have found the right man.Having started off meeting guys in the evening I've now changed tactics to limit a date for an hour over coffee.Harsh? Not really,you can tell in an hour if you want to see someone again and as a woman who works full time my time is limited. I've actually met some really nice guys and some downright horrors but one of the main reasons that I am still single (apart from being picky) is the fact that a lot of men my age are homophobic.

This might not be an issue for a lot of women but the fact is I live with a lovely gay man and I have a gorgeous gay son.Any future partner must not be,in any shape or form,homophobic.

Sometimes I find out in the early emails chatting on dating sites before I've even met someone,when the question comes up of do I live alone or with any of my children.So I tell them and wait for a usual response which is either complete silence,never to hear from that person again,or a tirade of abuse.But sometimes I don't find out that it's an issue until I'm actually on a date. Needless to say when he's stopped shuddering and saying he's feeling sick I usually get up and leave.

As children growing up in the 60's,we never saw anyone openly gay.No one knew of any man who was gay,or if they did it was a cousin of your mum's friend on the next street and that gay man was in prison.The law didn't change until 1967 and even then I'm sure it wasn't celebrated publicly so unfortunately a lot of men my age still think it's unnatural for two men (or women) to love each other.They seem to think that all gay men are disease ridden low life who will pounce on them given the chance.You should be so lucky.I can't change the way someone thinks in an hour over coffee,nor do I want to.

But in this day and age there's a good chance that these dinosaurs have a family member who is gay/lesbian,so I wonder how they cope with that.I can imagine them sitting in a corner on family gatherings muttering under their breath at the two lads enjoying themselves on the dance floor spinning around to Kylie.Do they make their feelings known or do they get a group of mates and give a defenceless man walking down the street a good kicking?

In this day and age it is hard to believe that homophobia is still such a big problem but I didn't realise how much a problem it was in my age group until recently.So I've had to include in my dating profiles the fact I live with a gay man,and the number of messages I get has now significantly reduced in number.

So a date can tick a lot of boxes.He can be good looking,have hair (tricky this one,it might not be his) witty,funny,in fact everything I'm looking for but if he's homophobic then he's ugly.