I'm at a party and have ended up talking to gastro-bores. Foodies. I can be a bit foodie when the mood takes me, but this conversation, lubricated by alcohol and MasterChef, is getting out of control. Predictably, the group are trying to impress each other with wildly implausible meals -...
Slowly I gain consciousness and wonder why I've woken up. For some reason my back hurts.
I roll over and look at my wife, she is staring hard at the ceiling, I recognise that look - unless I'm very much mistaken that's her "I've-just-tutted-to-wake-you-up" look.
"Did you just tut?"...
"Hey guess what - Ben Affleck is the new Batman!"
"You don't like Affleck? You've never forgiven him for Gigli?"
"Affleck's fine, it's Batman"
"You don't like the caped crusader?"
"A privileged millionnaire who punishes poor people. A nocturnal David Cameron."
"He's not posh"
I had salmonella poisoning but I didn't know it. The explosive effects of this condition had left me sore, dehydrated and waiting to see my annoyingly upbeat doctor. With clenched and scalded buttocks I sat in a waiting room the colour of sadness, I dared not look at anyone -...
I hadn't had a coffee for a few days - been trying to cut down you see.
Coffee is funny isn't it? Quite addictive really. Especially if you drink it every day. And if, like me, you're often in a hurry and need a quick caffeine hit, the methodology of...
I'm on a park bench and an Irish woman is saying something to me, but I can't really hear her. I'm a little distracted because there is a hole in my sock and it's strangling my big toe.
I know what you're thinking,
"Why would you put on a sock...
My daughter and I are on our way home from the park on a steamy Saturday morning. The sun is shining high, desperately trying to mop up the night-rain puddles that lay spilled across the roads and pavements. Cars hiss past us on the wet tarmac and everything glistens shamelessly....