James Jackson

Entries by James Jackson

May and April Jottings

(0) Comments | Posted 29 May 2012 | (10:00)

Another underpants bomb - bloody nuts.

The UN Security Council - paralysed by the stench of corpses piled at its door.

If God created Man in His own image - there is a fair chance He's morbidly obese.

Greeks reject austerity...

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March Jottings

(1) Comments | Posted 28 March 2012 | (23:27)

Remember Baba Amr - remember those who looked on.

Nero played the lyre as Rome burned - President Assad of Syria uploads iTunes.

The reason British policemen are nicknamed Plod - they're too fat to run.

Gay marriage - payback for our pinching their disco hits.

At the risk of...

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February Jottings

(0) Comments | Posted 20 February 2012 | (08:11)

The world used to be bipolar - now it's just crazy.

Sunni and Shia - less harmonious than Sonny & Cher.

Protect the landscape - dynamite a wind turbine.

Ahmadinejad was filmed manoeuvring a nuclear fuel rod - I know where I'd like to stick it.


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January Jottings

(0) Comments | Posted 19 January 2012 | (09:21)

It's a new day, it's a new dawn, it's a new year - and I'm feeling ill.

North Korea hails its new leader as a genius among geniuses - I thought he was just fat.

Silvio Berlusconi or Captain Francesco Schettino - why national stereotypes exist.

Scotland - from small...

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December Jottings

(0) Comments | Posted 13 December 2011 | (14:29)

Atheism - the most aggressive religion in history.

Britain vetoed a European Treaty - Ho, ho, ho.

Christmas nuts roasting on a fire - what I'd like to do to most MEPs.

Mistletoe and Whining - about all we've ever had from Europe.

Every time some guttural-voiced Eurocrat pronounces on...

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It's Only Rock n' Roll - But I Crave It

(0) Comments | Posted 27 November 2011 | (12:04)

They say you are what you eat (ergo, President Assad of Syria must have eaten a lot of arseholes). Then again, you can tell much about a person - tastes, emotional temperature, even sexual orientation - from a cursory glance at a range of indicators. Dress sense, choice of car,...

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The Original M

(0) Comments | Posted 6 November 2011 | (09:13)

The figure that crept through the darkened chambers of a Rome apartment made little noise. He knew every inch of the route and expected no interruption. His master was asleep, the servants consigned to their quarters, the guards outside patrolled clueless of events within. He padded on.

Quietly, he...

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Fortysomethings - And Why I Hate Them

(0) Comments | Posted 20 October 2011 | (20:52)

Divorced, decapitated, died. The wives of Henry VIII had it simple. For 21st Century fortysomethings - my contemporaries - the litany of woe is considerably more extensive: dull, dumped, divorced, dejected, demoralised, disillusioned, despairing, deranged, drunk, dysfunctional, druggy, dried-out, dried-up and often utterly desperate. Only on occasion are they ever...

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New York v. London

(0) Comments | Posted 16 October 2011 | (00:00)

I think it was comedian Bill Hicks who declared he always knew he was in New York when the smell of a dead person reached his nostrils. Having just returned from the city, I can vouch he was - if a little harsh - almost right. Cadavers no, but in...

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Toff cat

(0) Comments | Posted 9 October 2011 | (10:33)

'I was as polite to him as his breath would allow...'.

So wrote Jane Austen in a letter to her sister Cassandra, displaying the kind of withering insight and laughing bitchiness for which the British upper echelons are deservedly celebrated. Class is back on the agenda. It baffles our foreign...

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More Weddings and a Funeral

(1) Comments | Posted 30 September 2011 | (10:36)

I once attended a wedding in which military thunderflashes attached by rogue ushers to the rear of the going-away car detonated and blew the tights off a mother-in-law. At other nuptials, the uncle of a friend of mine died as he escorted his daughter up the aisle - something borrowed,...

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A Writer's Life, "I've Never Heard of You"

(8) Comments | Posted 30 September 2011 | (00:00)

Some fourteen years ago now, the fellow had marched across a crowded airport departure hall in order to deliver his crushing verdict. He entered the bookstore in which I was signing copies of my first thriller, picked up and briefly studied the paperback and slowly put it down, looked me...

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Hollywood Howlers - aka My Adventures in Tinseltown

(2) Comments | Posted 24 September 2011 | (00:00)

They say things in Hollywood go in waves and that every movie is derivative of the last. This explains why, when it comes to screenplays, I am toying with the idea of pitching 'The King's Peach' (a moving story involving a monarch and his affection for a piece of fruit)...

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Oh! What A Lovely Afghan War

(0) Comments | Posted 20 September 2011 | (21:11)

'We loosed off shots, but never could get near the fellows, they being all mountaineers and we being burdened with heavy riding-boots and spurs...'.

These are words lifted from the diary of Brigadier-General Henry Brooke who in April 1880 assumed command of the British garrison in Kandahar just...

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If Hitler Had The Bomb

(0) Comments | Posted 11 September 2011 | (23:00)

It was the morning of 21st April 1945. Soviet shells were beginning to fall on Berlin and, trapped in his bunker in the grounds of the Reichschancellery, Adolf Hitler ranted and strategized and awaited the end. Everywhere his armies were routed and his troops surrendering and all about the...

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The First Tower

(0) Comments | Posted 9 September 2011 | (16:45)

Night-time, and a lone skiff slipped from beneath the seaward ramparts of the besieged Lion Fortress of the Templars and headed out to sea. On board were the most precious artefacts from the treasury of the legendary knights, taken for safe-keeping and smuggled out beneath the arrows and catapult-shot of...

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Conspiracy Sucks

(11) Comments | Posted 3 August 2011 | (16:03)

In a scene eerily reminiscent of the Mel Gibson movie Conspiracy Theory, I recently found myself in a cab being regaled by its driver with a litany of his fears and theories regarding 'the power behind the power' and the threat posed by a New World Order (N.W.O -...

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