THE BLOG

Oscar Winners (Leaked)

17/01/2014 12:52 GMT | Updated 18/03/2014 09:59 GMT

I have here before me the complete list of this year's Oscar winners.

Please don't ask me where I got them. I'll never tell*.

Best Actor in a Leading Role

DeForge Gliffiths, 'Nobody's Wax'

Best Actor in a Supporting Role

Olfactory Respectington III, 'Prostitutes'

Best Actress in a Leading Role

Mary O'Mary O'Mary, 'Untitleable Gaspar Noé Experiment'

Best Actress in a Supporting Role

Mary O'Mary O'Mary Jr., 'Untitleable Gaspar Noé Experiment'

Best Adapted Screenplay

Joseph Goose, 'Slobadobalobanob'

Best Animated Feature

'Drenched Bullock', dir. Theomax Lick

Best Animated Short Film

'Cool Animatings', dir. Noel Somebody

Best Art Direction

Embrian Pantangalang, 'Golf Story'

Best Cinematography

Jennifer Boops, 'Nobody's Wax'

Best Costume Design

Piotr, 'Prostitutes'

Best Director

Chrimbulont Gasplackenes-Tremockatoad, 'Pain'

Best Documentary Feature

'Polynesian Bagpipe Techno'

Best Documentary Short Subject

Ennui

Best Film Editing

Zeus Murphy, 'PCP Evening'

Best Foreign Language Film

'Tóg É Sin As Mo Chúl'

Best Makeup

Nic Cage, 'Leaving And Then Entering A Box Of Chocolates Through A Tiny Hole Beside The List Of Ingredients'

Best Original Score

Aphex Twin, 'Locust Enema'

Best Original Screenplay

Waiter Matthau, 'Whassa Matta Peeta?'

Best Original Song

Jablonkaty Sacks Flop, 'I Am A Prostitute And I Am Proud Of That' from 'Prostitutes'

Best Original Story

Hermeticles Seelt, 'Drenched Bullock'

Best Picture

'Hooved'

Best Sound Editing

Blarry Whipe, 'Golf Story'

Best Sound Mixing

Stephen Breasts, 'AD EXSECUTIONEM CONSTITUTIONIS CONCILII VATICANI SECUNDI DE SACRA LITURGIA RECTA ORDINANDAM'

Best Visual Effects

Fork Lichtenstein, 'Nobody's Wax'

Live Action Short Film

'Obnoxious Kevin Smith Webcam Sycophant'

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*slept with the entire Academy

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This piece also appears on Astonishing Sod's website.

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