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2013: A Gamers Guide

Posted: 28/01/2013 16:31

Greetings HuffPost readers, and welcome to 2013, and yet another exciting year for the avid gamer, whether it's watching the Wii U's promising first steps, anticipating the next generation consoles, or looking towards new products like Valve's home system, there's a lot on the horizon for the gamer to squint at longingly.

One sure thing is digital purchases are here to stay and rapidly becoming second nature for the gamer. So, you may ask: "What are you looking forward to Jay you sexy, wise, and unbearably witty deity you?" Well I'm glad you asked, junior. Here's just a few things:

1. The Cave

The latest offering from the legendary Ron Gilbert (Monkey Island) delivers us a new platform puzzler rife with his trademark quirkiness, surrealism and humour. Initial reviews have been highly positive, but with some complaints of poor frame rate on XBOX. This is yet another digital download so don't bother traipsing around your local mall and risk accidentally buying a real cave from a silver tongued aquarium feature salesman (it happens) just go grab it from XBOX Live or Steam. This is actually out now so you only need to wait until you've RT'd this for filling the void of your existence, and somehow solving that lower back pain that's been giving you gip.

2. Wii U 'Woo Hoo ' (sorry)
Those clever bods at Nintendo have revealed the exciting news that a new Super Mario game, Super Smash Bros, and Mario Cart will be on display at this years E3 exhibition. Lets hope these presentations will be more then Miyamoto saying "Broom Broom" in a box. Their release should be a priority to Nintendo to help fans feel like they are once again on the cutting edge system rather then playing the Wii U Release title Batman: Arkham Asylum and pretending its 2012. There's only so many times you can rediscover Gangnam Style.

3. Video Game High School Returns
The very successful web series by Rocket Studios returns with two new seasons for 2013, now as 30 minute instalments. The two series will be made of six episodes adopting, as they put it, the British television model. We can only hope Rik Mayall is teaching saucepan combat 1-0-1.

Missed the series? Watch the first episode here, or download the entire series edited to one feature film length episode:

4. Valve Crank Up The Pressure
Valve, the game development and distribution company behind the fabled Half Life series, and of course online Digital games platform Steam announced their development of a home gaming system. The excitement? A family friendly home console that linking to Steam makes physical games a thing of the past. Founder Gabe Newell was quoted saying: "From here on it its all just data streams baby, we don't need things anymore just vibrations man..." whilst naked at a press conference (lie). As some of the more mature gamers (my mates and I) tire of the advert heavy XBOX Live interface trying to flog us Coors Light the prospect of a new, advert free, system becomes more exciting. Listen up XBOX some of your users are offended by Coors adverts. We be ale drinkers, who play Pokemon. It's 2013 and some of us still need to 'catch 'em all' including the Hobgoblin.

5. The real world
Don't panic! I'm not actually suggesting you go outside amigos, especially when there be "lions, tigers and Soft-Bears" already in Farcry 3. However with the increasing popularity of boardgames it may be time to find your trousers, put them on, and invite some friends over for a game of Settlers of Catan, or Smallword. And if being surrounded by 'real' human beings makes you anxious simply slip on your gaming headset and lock yourself in the bathroom pretending the voices you hear are just the sounds of a LAN party.

Right that's enough things to look forward to, even for you disgruntled Mayan's out there: You may have sworn you'll never look forward to another 'release date' again by hey? Mario's coming!

 

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