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Petrificus Totalus! Could Magic Be The Answer To Donald Trump?

27/02/2017 11:40

The image of Donald Trump as Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter caused hilarity last year, when the idea of President Trump was risible. Yet after Trump's frantic first month as POTUS, the meme is becoming a terrifying reality. Now, a real-life collective of witches is planning to overthrow Trump by magic.

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'Trumpridge' by Kevin Konrad Hanna/Twitter

Since taking power a month ago, Trump has issued a record-breaking number of controversial executive orders including a sweeping 'Muslim Ban', the undermining of Obamacare and the revival of the Dakota pipeline. Like a malevolent Umbridge in Dumbledore's office, one can imagine 'Trumpridge' signing decrees whilst drinking from a teacup emblazoned with kittens.

The similarities to the Harry Potter universe don't end there. Just like Dolores Umbridge, the real power behind Trump lurks in the shadows, quietly pulling the strings. Enter Chief Strategist Steve Bannon, formerly of Breitbart News, platform for the alt-right. It is claimed Trump did not realise what he was authorising when he signed an EO elevating Bannon to the National Security Council. As it emerges that Bannon wrote much of Trump's inauguration speech, comparisons have inevitably been drawn with He Who Shall Not Be Named.

"Darkness is good," Bannon told The Hollywood Reporter. "Dick Cheney. Darth Vader. Satan. That's power." There is even a Buzzfeed quiz which asks "Who Said It: Steve Bannon Or Lord Voldemort?" The answers are almost impossible to guess.

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Left: Steve Bannon by Don Irvine/Flickr, CC BY SA 2.0;
Right: Lord Voldemort by Lord Mariser/Flickr, CC BY-NC 2.0

With Barack Obambledore removed from his position as Headmaster, Donald Trumpridge is free to wield his power over the muggle world with impunity. The Dark Mark hangs ominously in the skies over Washington, and only Obambledore's Army can stop it. Millions have already marched worldwide, but the Ministry is doing its utmost to quash the uprising. Journalists have been detained, Twitter accounts shut down, and outright lies are presented as 'alternative facts' by Kellyanne Conway (perfect as Bellatrix Lestrange).

Even Harry Potter creator J.K. Rowling herself has acknowledged parallels between Voldemort and Trump's rise to power. "Let's just say it's a very interesting time to be writing a franchise about the rise of a populist maniac", she remarked wryly at the Baftas.

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Image courtesy @Olumencia via harrypotterwikia.com, Public Domain

Now life is imitating art, as witches in the Muggle world rise up to defeat the dark powers that have taken hold in the White House. Beginning 24th February, at the stroke of midnight, members of the witchcraft community will cast "A Spell to Bind Donald Trump And All Those Who Abet Him". Billed on Facebook as the "largest mass binding spell in history", its aim is not to harm Trump, but to prevent Trump from doing harm. The #bindtrump spell will be cast on every waning crescent moon "until Donald Trump is removed from office." There's every hope the magic will work. After all, the Reducio Charm could well be responsible for the President's tiny hands, and it's entirely possible that Steve Bannon has Trump under an Imperius Curse.

And what of Obama? Like Albus Dumbledore, he has made it clear that although he is no longer Headmaster, "Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who deserve it." True to his word, the former POTUS has already broken with protocol and expressed support for those who protested Trump's now overturned immigration ban.

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Meme by Unknown, shared by shanebc01

No one knows if Obama will join the #magicresistance against Trump, but if you wish to be part of the magic on the next waning crescent moon, you can find the instructions here. You'll need a few everyday items - amongst them an orange candle, a feather and an "unflattering photo of Trump". The spell suggests closing the ritual by repeating "You're fired" three times as you watch Trump's image burn - in other words, just an average evening at Hillary's house.

If, on the other hand you don't believe in magic, take heart from the words of J.K. Rowling: "We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all of the power we need inside ourselves already."

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